Friday, November 30, 2007

Adsense was actually useful?

I found this link as an ad from fucking adsense... can you believe it... adsense actually showed an ad that I wanted to click on...

Thursday, November 29, 2007


Lately I've been posting pretty infrequently but I promise that will change soon. I still have lots of great stories, If you'd like, and I'd like you to, subscribe to my blog so that I can send you an email anytime I post. That way you can save your time effort and energy. Why check the blog if there's nothing new?

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Why I'm in trouble at work

So I get a dirty little note in my mailbox at work today. Normally I don't even look at them, They go straight into the recyclable bin. (Yes, I try to do my part to save the environment so long as it doesn't require any real work.) I ignore them because 99.99999% of the time it's just silly stuff. In most cases it takes longer to write the note than it does to actually fix the problem. Today, I read it. It was about two paragraphs long and it detailed the fact that I told someone to draw an incorrect specimen for a particular test.

There are a few things you need to know about me. I don't like to be told I did something wrong. I'm able to recognize I'm not perfect, but I make few, if any errors at work. Secondly, I do not tolerate condescension in any way shape or form. Lastly, I'm confident that I won't get fired. I'm just too valuable. I'm so ridiculously overqualified for my job that it's not funny. So I do and say what I please.

I decided to confront the person about the note. What it all boils down to, is that I gave someone the specimen requirements for something they ordered. Evidently the nurse ordered it incorrectly, yet some how it's my fault. I guess I should have known what she meant.

This woman that works the day shift thinks she's in charge. She's been here forever and her word is taken for scripture amongst the people that work in the client services department of our lab. I couldn't care less what she thinks.

Our conversation went roughly like this

KD: The doctor wanted PCR added to this test. It has to have a different specimen. Now, because of you, we have to stick the patient again.

Me: My first point is you have no real idea what's going on. It's not my job to magically know that the doctor wants something other than what was ordered by the nurse. Secondly, PCR isn't something that's done in addition to a test, it's the methodology for the test. Do you know what methodology even means?"

(A side note: PCR stands for polymerase chain reaction. Very simply put it's a methodology in which the DNA of whatever you happen to be looking for, is replicated then amplified in vitro so that you can more easily identify substance in low concentrations in blood.) Wikipedia explains it better HERE

Me: If you don't even understand what the test is, or what it's for, how exactly are you going to lecture me about it?

KD: I was just trying to help I thought you might like to know what you needed to do in cases like these.

Me: If you compare the two of us, only one of us has an education who is more likely to know what's actually going on with a test? That's right, me. If you really want to be helpful, you can tell me how to seem to know everything so that I can know everything too.

KD: Well it's not as if I can make a list of every test we've ever done and copy the specimen requirements for it.

Me: Of course you can't, I just want to know you source of information because we both know you're not smart enough to memorize all that information.

KD: you don't have to be rude.

Me: Evidently, people around hear don't take me seriously when I'm nice so I guess I have to be an asshole in order for people to listen to me.

I know she's not intelligent enough to memorize even the simplest detail. I really want to know where she gets her information for all of these obscure tests no one has ever heard of. I'm damned sure it's just that she has the phone number of the reference lab we use. They actually staff people during the day time. If I try to call after five all I get is an answering service. I want to show her up and prove this theory, but it's not worth me coming to work during the day. I'm pissed that she has everyone convinced she's so good at her job. She doesn't want anyone to know the source of her information so she just tells our bosses that she searched and searched and just happened to find all the right information. She couldn't let everyone else in on the big secret, she wouldn't be nearly as valuable.

I got called into the bosses office and got another slap on the wrist and told not to "rock the boat". I was reminded how long she'd been here and that I didn't need to be rude when I address people. Of course there was no mention of the fact that I'm the only competent person that works in my section. I guess it's an unsaid truth that allows me to keep my job. Man if I didn't have a family to support I'd quit today.

Friday, November 23, 2007

The mighty blog

well I've been avoiding this for quite some time because he seems like such a creepy bastard but I guess if I am reading this guy every day I should share it with you. Please don't think less of me because I read The Mighty Blog.

I'm going out of town for the weekend to see the in laws. I'm not so excited but I guess I have to deal with it for the sake of my son. I guess he does need to hang out with grandma and grandpa. After that I have to hit the books hard. I have a test for a specialty certification which should give me a nice 5 dollar an hour raise, obviously, that's priority number 1.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Holiday cocktails

For the most part, The holidays tend to be joyous. Well at least for normal happy people. For me, all they do is create stress. From having to hang out with the in-laws, to being reminded of how poor I am when I go shopping for gifts

Tip: If you maintain purely superficial relationships with people, you don't ever have to actually buy them gifts.

Look at me, Aren't I a regular Martha fucking Stewart. Tell me that's not the best cost saving tip you've heard all year. Think about how much you spend in pointless gifts.

There's alot to hate about the holidays, and I didn't even get into having to clean up all the messes. Why must we be slobs to have a good time? Why do we have to have 10 grand worth of wrapping paper for a pair of socks? Why do we have to find tinsel behind the couch in June? Frankly decorations piss me off. If these thing bother you half as much as they bother me, you might find yourself needing a cocktail to take the edge off. In my case I need the cocktail(s) to get hammered so I forget all the madness. So I've decided to give you guys some of my favorite cocktail recipes.

Before you leave a dumb ass comment like you've already heard of this crap, I'll completely concede that some or all of these drinks are well known. I just decided to make a compilation for your convienece.

Napoleon Dynamite. This actually has several different forms but I'm just going to tell you my favorite. If you don't like it fuck you.

1. Take a can of jellied cranberry sauce and slice it thinly to line the inside of a martini glass (mostly just for looks and effect).

2 Mix 3 oz of Bailey's
1 oz of tequila rose
1 oz creme de cacao
3 Shake on ice and pour into martini glass. It's a little girly but tasty.

Holiday scotch and sour

1 1 1/2 oz of scotch
1 oz cherry brandy
1/2 oz of sweet vermouth
1 oz sweet and sour mix

Shake on ice, strain into an old fashioned glass over ice and add lemon as a garnish

Christmas hangover

1 Crush up half a candy can and add it to the ice in your shaker

2 Mix 4 oz of light rum
5 oz of Sprite
Strain into a high ball glass and garnish with a candy cane. Kinda tastes like a mojito but candier ( is candier a word?)

Brandy Alexander

1 1 1/2 oz of brandy
1 oz creme de cacao
2 oz of egg nog

Shake with ice and strain into a martini glass

Hot Tottie - I know it's simple but who doesn't like it on a cold day

1 Mix 5 oz of hot tea
Honey to taste
Lemon to taste
3 oz of Bacardi 151 or your favorite whiskey

French 75 I hate the frenchie toads.. but I like this drink

1 Mix 1 1/2 oz Gin (I prefer Bombay Sapphire)
2 oz lemon juice
2 tsb of powdered sugar

Shake over ice. Strain into a Red wine glass. Fill the rest of the glass with your favorite champagne. Garnish with a lemon

I'm sure I'll think of more in the coming days but until then tell me what your favorite holiday drinks are. I always need new ways to get hammered to forget my family

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Mr. Scrooge

I know it's not even really the holidays, but I'm sick of it all already. My wife is already putting up christmas decorations, Work is following suit and it's not even Thanksgiving. I just put on my happy face for a few weeks, then I get to go back to being a grumpy old bastard the rest of the year. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm a real life Mr. Scrooge. That is, without all the money and my own Bob cratchett to push around.

In other news; The army has a saying that deals with a lack of leadership in a given situation. If you act like you're in charge eventually people will just follow. In some ways this has been true at work. I'm not in charge of shit, but without a direct supervisor I've become the de facto boss. I like it. Although, I'd like the paycheck alot better. I've been assigned to train the new guys and they come and report to me every night. All I have to do now is stay in this dead end job another ten years and I've have my own drone of minions that will do everything the way I think is best.

Lately I've been checking out alot of new blogs for inspiration, I've hit a little bit of writers block. I need to steal ideas, so sue me. Any way I've come across Bottle blonde. She's pretty damned hilarious (said with an extra emphasis on the "I"). She's perverted and sarcastic. I've always found sarcastic women kinda sexy. I'd rather have a loud sarcastic bitch than a quiet June Cleaver type. Anyway, go read her blog, hopefully she'll never know I have an internet crush on her even though she didn't really give me any ideas about what to write.

I did come to the realization that I'm getting a little older now. In my day (yeah I really said that , and no I'm not eighty years old). I could pack em away. Sunday I went over to a buddies house to watch football and burn stuff, can't really say which was better. Living in the ozarks definitely means burning shit, especially when fireworks become involved can rank right on up there with the NFL. Anyway, I digress. I drank a six pack and about about five mixed drinks, several of which were egg based. My friend and all of his buddies seem to have some weird fascination with egg nog and anything else they can put an egg in. It's really quite scary. After consuming my drinks at 20 I'd be just getting started, ready to party till dawn. Now, I went home at 8 30 exhausted barely unable to keep my eyes open to feed my child. Getting old sucks, and I'm not even thirty, I just live and old lifestyle now. I've finally been drug into the "real" world.

For all the advancements medicine has made, it can't do a damned thing about getting old. Sure we can keep you alive untill you're 906 years old. but in that condition is it really any better than being eaten by worms? Didn't think so. My wife is doing her clinical rotations for nursing school and she keeps coming home to tell me stories about feeding people or changing their adult diapers, or dressing them. My guess is that she wants a pat on the back. She wants me to tell her how wonderful and caring she is, in reality, all I can think is "Are my tax dollars seriously being spent on a 96 year old bitch that can't pull up her own pants, can't wipe her own ass and can't fucking feed herself. How does it help society to keep this kind of person around?

Like I said I'm a real life Mr. Scrooge but isn't it about time for us to look at the world a little more realistically? Isn't it more important that something have utilitarian value rather than just aesthetic value, or in the case of my wife's patient, any value at all?

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

A movie?

I know it seems like I abandoned the blog, but between studying for a specialty certification, work, my family, and the computer finally dying (btw we have a brand new mac book that I think I love) I haven't had much time to even hear myself think. that being said I'm sorry if you're one of my few regular readers.

About two weeks ago a coworker came up to me and asked me if I knew anything about putting a catheter in someone. I said I was vaguely familiar with the idea. While I have spent most of my time in the army as a lab tech, I had to go through what was 91 B medic school. I think they changed nomaclatures and requirements shortly after I finished. I've inserted exactly two catheters in my life, once in school, and once in Iraq when I was forced to fill in for a medic. So ha ha ER nurse I probably really do have a broader knowledge base than you. I know emergency medicine from my days in iraq and I have the knowledge I've acquired as a lab tech.

The reason she asked, is that she got a creepy phone call early that morning. She said the man on the other end of the phone wouldn't identify himself, and asked "I heard you were a nursing student and I was given your name as someone who might be able to help me." Confused she replied with a sheepish "with what?" His son had a drug test that morning and he needed someone to drain his bladder and fill again with someone's clean urine. Evidently he made it clear that money wasn't an issue either.

From the sounds of it she unable or unwilling to help them. I'm pretty sure this is straight out of the movie the Program so I'm not entirely sure how accurate or truthful it is. That being said I think I believe her. Even if it was just a prank call from a friend

She didn't seem to be all that concerned with the legality of it all, just that she was convinced it would give him a bladder infection, and she said she was just a student and couldn't do anything without the guidance of her instructors. I totally disagree. Student or not, for the right price I'd do it in a second. I wouldn't think twice about this guy's health. It can all be done in a sterile environment and as long as the clean urine is fresh it should be sterile as well. He's someone that is avoiding jail time. I'm pretty sure he's aware of the inherent risks. Besides, does he really have a case if he wants to sue you.

This got me thinking about a few things. For the most part I'd say I have a solid values system but then I wonder. I'd be more than willing to drain someone's bladder replace their urine. What else would I be wiling to do for the almighty dollar? Where does my want for money become less important than my values? in the grand scheme of things, I volunteered to go to Iraq for the large paycheck, not because it was my patriotic duty, or even that I had to. When I say I volunteered I mean it, I took someone else's place, otherwise I would have stayed at WBAMC in El paso. In essence isn't going to war for money borderline sleezy?

I know I don't have a whole lot of regualr readers but it would really help me out if you'd leave me a comment on where you think your own moral limit would be. Would you kill someone else for the right price? would you help a guy avoid jail time by replacing the urine in his bladder. Would you put an ampule of blood under someone's skin so that someone could get out of paying child support due to inaccurate DNA samples. I just want to know if where I stand is near the moral majority or if maybe my values are a little skewed.