Wednesday, October 24, 2007

The sweet sweet smell of lab work

I'll be honest. I really can't think of anything to write about, but it's either blog some random crap or watch "Barney and Friends" with my little boy. You can guess which I decided to do. Don't worry if I suddenly break out into song and dance while I'm writing/you're reading this. Barney is playing in the background. When Exactly did Barney become "and friends"? Did they not think Barney was a big enough freak? Did they really have to add three more little dinosaur freaks? Oh well.

I was thinking the other day that there are a lot of odd smells in the lab, not all of them bad either. If you walk into the micro lab the first and only thing you'll smell is a pungent odor similar to that of old wet gym socks that have been in your gym bag for roughly the last quarter century. But there are actually a few pleasant smells.

Way back in the day, honestly I don't know how far back, physicians would test the urine of a suspected diabetic by dipping his finger in and touching it to his tongue. If it tasted sweet, They were diabetic. Until the 1930's diabetes was a sure death sentence until a physician basically started to grind up pancreas from normal Dogs and inject it into his patients. He didn't understand what it was doing and it only prolonged life for a short time but in essence he had found the first form of insulin therapy. A sweet, fruity odor from urine is still a pretty good clue for a lab tech as to whether someone has diabetes. I guess it's a little weird to think we just go around sniffing all the piss that comes into the lab. The causative agent is acetone in your urine, which is a symptom of diabetes and ketosis.

The next one is even stranger. Pseudomonas aeruginosa emits a "grape-like" odor when grown on sheep's blood agar. Unfortunately I don't know what chemical it produces to make the odor but I do know it's a good presumptive identification. Pseudomonas aeruginosa usually only invades the body of immuno-comprimised individuals, but is unique in it's ability to be pathogenic to both Humans and plants. It has minimal nutritional requirments and can be seen growing in distilled water. It even has resistance to many simple antibiotics.

I know this post is really random but I'm a bit of a closet geek if you haven't noticed. Plus I thought maybe people would enjoy random tidbits of information rather than my last few stories of debauchery. If you happen to come across this post and you have any questions let me know. I know more random knowledge, especially about lab work than most people and it'll give me stuff to write about, so leave questions in the comments for me.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Real friends

I've always considered my self a pretty good friend. I'd give my friends my last dollar or the shirt off my back. I've also been blessed to have great friends. I guess I have to say this with a bit of a disclaimer. I'm not the same friend drunk. I'm loud, rude, and obnoxious. Worst of all I do things like having sex in my friends bed and hooking up with their sisters.

The only two guys I would feel comfortable calling my best friends would be Chad and Danny. Chad was in San Antonio and you can read about the story with his sister in law here.

Danny was in El paso and he was definitely my favorite person while I was there. He was a reservist from Arizona. Danny and I had lots of great times. One of them included his sister. His little sister, who was actually my age, came down to El Paso to visit for the weekend. I decided I'd go out with them to Gay bar named the Old Plantation or the O.P.n for short. I'm not sure why We always ended up there, but We always had a good time. We all walk in the door and I'm immediately impressed. The first words out of her mouth are "who wants shots?" Normally I expect some fruity shot like a jolly rancher when a girl utters those words, but not her. It was vodka, chilled. I don't remember much after the 8th chilled vodka in a row but we were obviously having a good time. We ended up dancing, sorta. By dancing I mean me performing a delicate balancing act that kept me from puking and falling at the same time. Long story short, we started making out, out of the sight of Danny and the rest of our friends.

I went up to Danny afterward, obviously feeling bad. I apologized profusely for making out with his sister, or at least I think I did, I slur pretty badly when I'm drunk. I guess it wasn't a real apology though, I had every intention of trying to sleep with her that night. But I digress. Danny kind of shrugged it off and said what a real friend would. "Well, She makes better choices than I do. What do I care?" These are the things a real friend would say in such an awkward situation. It's by far my favorite quote of all time.

In conclusion, If you hook up with you're best friends' sisters', and yes That is a multiple, You're a bad friend. If you shrug it off and accept that you're best friend is a dick and he just made out with your sister in a gay bar, you're a really really good friend. I guess it turns out I'm not really as good a friend as I once thought.

By the way, I did go home with them that night, She was crashing at her brothers, and I had every intention of hooking up with her on his couch. I think she had the same ideas but we both passed out after coming home a finishing a bottle of Cutty Sark. Boooo for cheap scotch.

Friday, October 19, 2007


I found out something interesting today. It turns out that I work with a polygamist, Well sorta. The piddler (you can read about her here

I found out that The piddler allows her husband to have two girlfriends at any time. The weirdest part is that she openly embraced the idea, bragging about how progressive she was. Obviously I was a little confused. It also turns out that one of his girlfriends is someone else who works in our hospital, a Little Laotian girl. Obviously He likes asians.

I got to thinking and realized I don't even have the time to keep up with/track of even one woman. How the hell can a man successfully juggle three women. I'm not talking about three fuckbuddies. These are three distinct relationships. I know he and the piddler have children together as well. He must not sleep is the only logical conclusion I can come up with. I wonder how confusing it is for those kids.

Maybe there's something I just don't know about the Vietnamese culture. Is this common practice? Maybe they're part of the reformed LDS church. Whatever their reasoning for this little arrangement, I just can't seem to get on board with the idea.

It's been said that the only thing better than pussy is new pussy. For the most part I agree. But is it worth the added drama. I can only image. You'd have to have subservient women or your life would be a living hell. They'd all have their menstrual cycles at the same time, They'd all be vying for you're attention constantly. Not to mention you'd have extra mouths to feed. How would you decide who you slept with. Would they're be a sex schedule. Plus you'd be three times more likely to have kids whether you wanted more or not. What if they all ganged up against you one day?

I honestly don't know if I'd even have time to cheat on my wife with someone who knew I was married, didn't care, and helped me to hide it. I couldn't even have a fuck buddy on the side sans a relationship. Between work, My kid, My wife, And occasionally getting to the gym I have about 15 minutes to myself every day. I wouldn't waste that precious time on some random hookup, I'd much rather waste it watching scrubs and drinking beer.

Turns out the only polygamy I like is Polygamy Porter

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

The ultimate sacrifice

As a Man, more specifically as a wingman, There is an ultimate sacrifice. This sacrifice is hooking up with the loud fat cow, so that your friend may bag the hot one.

I can remember one instance above all others because it was probably my most shameful moment. Alot of this story is second hand. I was a little too drunk to remember so I had had my buddy Danny email me his version of it all.

My buddies Danny, Matt, and of course myself, Were celebrating another Thursday night that by some miracle of God we were still alive. We went down to Cincinatti Street in El paso Tx. I can't remember which bar we specifically went to but it's not important to the story. We met three girls that night, their names escape me, and again, are unimportant to the story. One was incredibly hot that my friend Matt somehow convinced he was interesting. One was an average girl, who was a little dull. The other was a 300 llb cow from Juarez. Can you guess which girl is going to end up being the most important to the story?

After the bars closed, we went to their house near UTEP, on a street immediately west of and parallel to Mesa street. It was a big house that had been converted into four apartment flats. The hot girl was originally from Juarez, and she had her student visa to attend UTEP. She didn't have a visa to live there, but the apartment was in her aunts name and she stayed there most of the time.

Mat started talking to the hot one so Danny and I supported his futile effort to get laid. Of the two girls remaining, Danny started chatting up the average girl and I Went outside to smoke. Of course the cow followed me outside. When we got outside somehow we made it around to the back of the house. She asked if she could kiss me, I said I didn't think it'd be such a good idea. She said no no I mean down there, of course all this was said in broken spanglish but I still understood what she meant. Even I'm not going to turn down free head.

I guess at some point we made it back inside. Danny says that his conversation with the average girl wasn't going so well. It was repetitive and boring The following piece is taken directly out of the email Danny sent me;

I went to check on mat. That mother fucker was just sitting there holding hands and talking about traveling to Europe or something and all there clothes were still on! I then walked towards the back to take a leak. The bathroom was at the end of the hallway on the left, there was another door directly across from the bathroom but I didn't look into it at first.
When I walked out of the bathroom into the dark hall, my eyes were still adjusting from the light of the bathroom and I saw movement in the dark room across from the bathroom. Squinting and looking closer, I saw you and the nastiest fat ass fucking in the dark! It looked like you had her penned up on the dresser or something and you were doing her from behind. I didn't really want to look that close so I walked (fast) down the hallway and back towards the boring girl.
In the end, our support efforts were useless. I just got bored out of my mind by this girl, you made the ultimate sacrifice that any friend should make, and Mat's penis remained flaccid and unused. If my memory serves me correctly, I believe that you ran into the hot girl about a week or two later and took her back and fucked her with minimal effort. So I don't know what the fuck his problem was, if he would have just shut the fuck up about Polish trivia and pulled out his dick he probably would have been laid that night.

In conclusion I made the ultimate sacrifice for a friend and he did nothing but hold this girl's hand. If you're ever in a similar situation, please, please, take advantage of your friends help and bone the hot girl. Yes, I did run into the hot girl a week or so later, and yes I did fuck her, but Matt still isn't off the hook. If I'm ever in LA again it's his turn to fuck the cow.

Monday, October 15, 2007

My crazy ass mother

I've really debated whether or not I wanted to post this. It may be too personal. Since none of my family reads my blog I figure it's pretty safe. I've also learned a long time ago not to be ashamed of who I am or where I came from. Don't hold me accountable for any mistakes or confusion. She rambles on alot. I think she might have some schitzo tendencies.

Dearest Rob Rob the party slob
I finally was able to to find your e-mail amongst all the spam.I'm very happy to hear from
from you. Of course Tony and Grandma sent the pictures to my sister. And I did receive the
the pictures of you and your girlfriend with the baby. I've surrounded my bedroom with them and sleep very peacefully with them all around me.As far as any diseases are concerned
Dickie just has a very weak heart. When I last spoke with him I asked if he could possibly make it to see you before you went into the army. I had no idea if I would ever see you again
if you were ever shipped overseas. It was then that he told me that he was too weak to make the trip.I was so releived to know the you were working at Walter Reed in the States and am very happy to know you've been able to to find a job in your profession.
As far as your Mother tracking him down, I too would like to know where he is. His own sister doesn't seem to be in touch with him as often.I really would like to see him once more
before he dies. I have always loved him and I always will. And as far as him not ever meeting
you...He and his adoptive Mother were right there in the waiting room the day you were born.
He helped me raise Tony until he was three and you were very much a part of both of our lives for your first year. If you'll remember, I was furious when the first place Tony wanted to bring you was to Anna's house. The fact is that you may have very well been David Eugene's
son;Davey's natural father. We never spoke of it ever before and Ben was Davey's great Uncle. He never knew about you.Your ultrasound determined that you were conceived within the 24 hrs that Jabo was there and Dickie coming home that morning. Yes..I know that our being together was wrong but, he and Anna fought so much. Initially he wanted to marry me
but, decided on Anna. When Anna learned about that one night she always swore you were
his natural child. He called me from the boat off shore and wanted very much for us to just take Davey, Tony and Me as I carried you to Italy where we would have been safe until he could divorce her but, the three of us decided that though there was only one chance that you were his there was no need to break up their marriage. Sometimes I wash I had listened to Jabo then..because if it hadn't been for Dickie being there she really would have been glad to help make me miscarry you. And beleive way or another it seemed that she was determined to take you away from me. Dickie saved our lives and his Mother Camile swore you were Dickie's. And I must admit you looked very much like Christopher; Dickie's son from his first marriage. You see son, I was very glad to hear you had the HLA done on Warren. I would very much like to settle the family fued for once and for all. Dickie's sister Dianne adopted Christopher and raised him with her own. She finally gave Christopher back to his natural mother and she's finally remarried. However Christopher is currently incarcerated somewhere in Florida. I just wanted to find them so that when you match
it will settle things once and for all. I may be wrong...and it may be easier to ask Davey
but, this can't be done with her knowledge. And if I am wrong and your not Dickie's I'll never hear the end of it. If I had to spend any money on the test in case of a life threatening situation, I would prefer to spend it beleiving you were Dickie's. I've been spending alot of time thinking about about this. I don't know how willing you are to find out..but, I'm tired of
looking in Jabo's neices eyes and seeing a likeness there too. Dickie had almost a neon green hazel eyes that you could see clear across a football feild.And of course Jeff, Jabo's brother just had to bring up the fact that the Steelman's can make green eyed baby's too. But, that was Jeff and as much as I loved Jeff and his brother...Jabo's eyes were blue. So whether or not you're willing to find out I want you to know that my losing you had alot to do with a vendetto between she and I. But, Jabo left her and had Davey with him. Both Tony and Davey slept in the same crib that night. And he may have stayed if Dickey hadn't returned when he did. But, he did. And the kind of passionate love we had for one another at the time cannot be ignored.Jabo should have chosen to marry me from the beginning. He was given a second chance. Somehow though after Dickie had been away at his sister in
law's house for the past week he suddenly apeared out of nowhere. And quite frankly when I really think about it...I have to admit there's a resemblence to him and the Carraras boys.
If you don't know who they are, I'll tell you now. Claudia's first husband was a man named
Fred. Everyone knew him as Fico. But, Claudia fell in love with Manual. Mr Fico was Anna's natural father with Claudia...I know there's not enough time to go over all the details but,
apparently she legally adopted two other children from her sister Marijo because she didn't think she could have any children of her own. Well, to get to the point, Mr Fico remarried
Anna's stepmother Janet. She didn't legally adopt the children because Claudia never gave up her right to them but, never the less Fico and Janet had two boys of their own. Those boys looked very much like Dickie and Camile did say that that she adopted him from a
two people who were very much in love, very good looking woman but, apparently the other
was not available at the time. And though Mr Fico's mother swore I looked like Mr. Fico's
child she swore I wasn't. It really never bothered me before but the resemblences between Dickey and Janet's kids are uncanny. It's just a hunch...but, there is a way to be sure now.
There wasn't then. And as for Tony...I think I amy have already been pregnant before that black man got ahold of me; too. Yeah baby..I've had alot of time to think about what you did
to be sure that baby was yours. and I may not be able to afford the final test when it comes to me. But there sure was alot of baby swaping going on between Esperanza Lopez's three boys. And quite frankly I wouldn't be surprised to find that the two people you think of as your grandparents; aren't. I was emmancipated when I was 15 yrs. old. So...they're only family by proxy technically; that is if they want to be. But, you are indeed my natural child as well as Tony. And all this natural law may cause some feelings to be hurt. So, please be ever so polite to consider their feelings first before you discuss this if ever you discuss this with anyone but the two of us. I quite frankly couldn't stand for anyone to stand between
the fragile relationship we're able to develope now. And probably will always be the baby. But, just in case I should ever have the opportunity to may be my only saving grace left besides my talent. The virus is absolutely undetectable now and I could stop the medication if I have to but, then there's always a chance for a relapse if I don't complete the program. I was able to develope an immunity to the B series now the C series
is at it's final stage. My right hip is irrepairable but, I can walk. I'm weak but, I'm intelligent.
If I can find a job worth risking another fall for..I'll do it. But, I do know that I can slip fall too easily in the snow. And as much as I want to be a part of your life heading any further north
doesn't seem like a good idea. I finally contacted the Mayor of Nashville to be sure that, though their non-emergency staff say they can't find the case file of the shooting incidence
in the '80's, I asked them be sure that there was nothing further that they need from me.
As far as any counciling I've sought opinion was that if I ever had any disorder
I'm in remission now. And the other thinks I just need speach therapy for my southern drawl.
But, other wise....if I have to have a competancy hearing I can probably dispute the case well enough. The third report from Mississippi hasn't arrived and we both know that in scientific method two out of three will be the final decision. So, I'm not too worried about
about sticking around long enough for the mayor to find the case file..and wherever I can find
a job in my profession I would probably relocate to. But, I still don't have a car. And quite frankly wish you'd come pick me up and only if you care or you don't care about settleing the family fued..I'll understand either way. I'm pretty sure the coast is clear now. All I can do here is find a job making less than 1600.00 a month in the snow using the job access program in this county till Jessica graduates. Until then...all I need is the clearance letter from Vanderbilt once I've completed the interfuron. and I'll only get that 6 months after my last injection.All the radiactive residue has to be gone. But, then..I would very much like to hold that grandbaby of mine. I will not want to miss one more minute of my life without you in it after that.Till then...I'm snug as a bug in a rug. Love you, Mama Vicki

I'll try to clarify the best I can first, Tony is My biological half brother who is black but no one in the family will admit it. Dickie is the man most of my family thinks is my biological father. Christopher (the one in jail) would be my half brother also if dickie is my father. Jabo was my aunt anna's husband who my mother believes could also be my father. Yeah I know it's strange my uncle could also be my Dad. As for the rest of it, it's just rambling that I don't think I'll ever understand. No one really ever knows if she has hepatitis, and no one recieves interfuron for it anyway. You just can't trust anything that comes from her mouth.

V over at Violent Acres seems to think she had a shitty childhood, try having this crazy bitch for a mother Add a little drug and alchohol abuse and I think I win the shittiest mom award cause you know it's a competition right?

I don't want anyone coming away with the idea that I'm having some kind of pity party. I just want people to get a better idea of where I'm coming from. I want people to understand why I strugle with empathy. I have a family with a history of drug and alchohol abuse and mental illness but it's never stopped me from making the right choice for me. Yeah I've had my own history of substance abuse but about three months before my son was born I had a choice to continue being a worthless drunk or to try and be a good father who wouldn't have my kid taken away by the state. In one day I decided to stop drinking. So I don't feel sorry for people who ruin their lives with drugs and alchohol.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Is it possible that I'm a rapist?

I was over at and she was talking about the times she had been molested or raped or taken advantage of. She did a good job of illustrating how a girl could be ashamed of what she'd done and not realize a crime had been committed. She also told how she blamed herself.

This brings me back to a New Year's eve party. I was home on leave from the Army for the first time. I was 19 and was pretty sure I was invincible. I had been dating a girl on and off for awhile. Her name was Sarah. She really meant the world to me. I can't tell you if we were, or weren't dating at the time, It was a confusing relationship to me. Later in life I've realized I was way more into her than she was me. I even told her I'd compare every girl I was with after her, to her. It's still, in some ways very true. Unfortunately now, She's a lesbian, and I'm just an afterthought to her.

Sarah and I weren't able to meet up that New Year's and I was upset. I went to a small house party a few of my friends were throwing. I ended up getting extremely drunk along with one of Sarah's friends. She and I went upstairs to an unoccupied bedroom and had sloppy drunk sex.

I got a phone call about two weeks later when I was back in San Antonio, Asking me what the hell was wrong with me, and why I'd ever sleep with her friend. Apparently her friend was still a virgin and still in high school so it was kind of a big deal. When The rumors started to fly about us, She started telling people she got drunk and passed out and when she woke up she was naked and I was on top of her. She was telling people I had basically raped her while she was passed out. No police reports were ever filed and no charges were ever brought against me. I felt shitty for treating Sarah that way but was pissed about being labeled a rapist.

I was always 100 percent sure that we had consensual sex. We were both wasted and no one at the party remembers me having to coerce anyone, especially her, (she wasn't all that attractive) into having sex with me. Not to sound cocky but I was an attractive guy, I could have done much better.

Now, after reading collegcallgirl's blog I wonder if I really did rape her. I'm still 95% sure it was consensual but that 5% worries me. Hopefully it was just a situation where she was a virgin just trying to save face. What if it wasn't? We were both incredibly drunk. Is it not rape if I can't understand that she's saying no. Is it rape if I'm too drunk to realize she's passed out while we were making out, and I continue anyway. People are prosecuted for murder if they're drunk. I just worry about whether this is something that may actually haunt this girl. What if I'm the guy she has nightmares about because I really did rape her? Is it possible that I'm really a rapist?

Thursday, October 11, 2007


I was over at ER nurse's blog and she was talking about how sick she was of people feeling as though they were entitled to anything and everything. I have to whole-heartedly agree. I'm relatively young, but with old school values. Sometimes I just don't get it.

The People who piss me off the most are the people who feel entitled, for seemingly no reason. I think little disrespectful things piss me off more than major incidents. Most of the time I can blow someone off if they're in my face yelling at me. I can either chalk it up to them having a bad day, having a death wish, or just being generally ignorant.

A good example of "the little things" happened today. I had just come to work and was cleaning up the previous shift's mess (This in and of itself pissed me off.)When a gentleman with a specimen to drop off decided to come up to my window and my counter and start moving things out of the way so he'd have a place to put his laptop so he could start filling out the order for the specimen.

Problem Number 1. Don't ever move shit that doesn't belong to you. Especially when someone is working in that exact area already

Problem Number 2. If you don't work somewhere, respect the area you walk into, We're not Fucking burger king, it isn't always you're way, right away. Guess what The Customer isn't always right at a hospital.

Problem Number 3. You need to have everything you just did on my counter completed before you come to the lab. It's not okay to label a specimen when it's already to the lab. Per protocol you need to label that shit bedside, or at least not when you're standing if front of me.

The one decent thing about working in a hospital, and not having to do patient care, is what I mentioned earlier, we're not burger king. We have written established protocol. There should be zero gray area. If I say you're specimen is unacceptable, it's unacceptable. There is no, "I want to speak with you're manager" bullshit. Written procedures back me up, as opposed to a manager's discretion. If I put my name on a result, I have the right to accept or refuse anything based on my own discretion and established protocol.

As much as I'd like to empathize with ER nurse, I have a hard time. Many times, the people who make my life difficult are the nurses, mostly because I rarely, if ever have to actually deal with a patient unless it's over the phone, in which case I'll just hang up. Sometimes nurses feel entitled to results, right now. It just can't happen, we have an established pecking order, just because you or the doctor you're calling for want the results before you go to lunch, doesn't mean it's going to happen. They're also the one's who want to call and bitch me out when I say I can't or won't take a specimen because it's hemolyzed or incorrectly labeled. The only thing calling down and bitching accomplishes is it pisses me off and takes time away from me completing your test. You're really only hurting your patient.

Monday, October 8, 2007

What not to say to women part deux

There are times that I've been incredibly lucky with women and incredibly un-lucky with women. The following story is a pretty good illustration of both times. It's amazing how, what you thought was a sure thing could slip through your fingers so quickly.

I was stationed at Ft. Bliss in El Paso and was in the middle of a joint project with a local blood bank. They were helping us with a study we were doing concerning filtering blood and platelet concentrates. I was the point of contact for the Army for this project so I was there practically every day. On my first trip over there I met their point of contact. Her name was Vanessa and she was everything I thought a woman should be. Super model good looks, plenty of brains and she liked my geeky profession. Before we go on, I can't just let you think this was just some hot girl, She was by far the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on.

A week passed by and I was officially in lust. I couldn't stop telling all the guys I worked with just how damned hot she was. The trips to the blood bank started with me but quickly became two, three, four, until we were an entire convoy of men dropping of one unit of blood, just to see Vanessa. Needless to say, she made our work lives a little less productive.

I was busy with something else one day and asked another soldier if he'd run the blood over that day. He happily obliged. While he was there, he did something I thought I'd never forgive him for.

He came back to the donor center beaming with pride. He obviously thought he'd just done me a huge favor. He decided to pretend we were all back in high school. He gave my number to one of Vanessa's co-workers. I really don't know why he decided to do this. Basically my value dropped ten-fold. Suddenly, I was a loser, so afraid to talk to women, I needed a friend to pass my number through one of her friends. It's the old, I have a friend who has a friend who really likes you business. I might as well have kicked her in the shins on the playground.

After some thought, I decided I could do two things, pretend it never happened and hope she actually calls, or I can man up and apologize for my loser friends.

The next day I went over and apologized. She agreed that the stunt was a little lame, and thought I was pretty immature. We had a little laugh about it and I started to walk away. I got about halfway down the hall and she called out to me to wait up. She said "Are you kidding me?" confused I asked her what she meant, she replied "After all this you're really not going to ask for my number?" Me; Ummmmm....
She saved me and said "Well, do you want it?" holding out a piece of paper. Of course I accepted the piece of paper. I smiled trying to contain my excitement. I said I'll see you tomorrow and walked out. I'm proud I was able to walk away without looking like a retard because I was so giddy.

At this point I'm thinking, I'm so in, she obviously wants me. This is my example of how incredibly lucky I am with women. I am/was a reasonably attractive guy but she was way out of my league and whe was practically begging me to take her number.

That night I broke the unwritten rule that you should never call the same day. I was leaving for Arizona in the morning for about a week and I wanted to make sure I got to go out with her before that. I give her a call and she says she's free, She even sounds excited about going out with me. I tell her to meet me at the Mesa street bar and grill I get there before she does. I'm only waiting a few minutes, My jaw drops as I see her step out of her Dodge Ram with a 6 inch lift. I don't know why chicks in big trucks are hot, but they are. She's wearing this little black dress that fits her form perfectly, leaving just enough to the imagination. She did a quick twirl and asked "You like?" I didn't say anything but there were a few dirty thoughts going through my head.

We go inside and are seated quickly. While we're waiting for our food I notice every guy in the place glancing over at her. It's so nice to know you're with the hottest girl in the room. Things were going perfectly, she was giving off a great vibe, she was twirling her hair and nervously playing with her straw. I was sure I was in. I started making a little small talk. This is the conversation I regret to this day.

Me: "I know this sounds a little weird but it's nice to finally go out with a hot white girl in El Paso. The Hispanic girls just don't seem to like me."

Her: "You realize that my last name is Gonzalez, right?"

At this point my heart sunk. All of her expressions changed. She gave me eyes that let me know I wasn't going getting any from her... ever. I kinda quit listening after this point but she went on to chastise me for something. and explain that Mexicans in the southern part of Mexico have blonde hair and blue eyes, like her, and that they take more after their spanish decent rather than the native Mexican. My shot to hook up with this amazing girl went right out the window because of one stupid statement. I think this pretty well illustrates how un-lucky I can be with women as well. Just as a point of reference don't ever bring up race, in any way on a date.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Work and pickup basketball

In a game of pickup basketball players there are some players you just want to avoid checking at all costs. We have the sweat hog, the big fat sweaty guy who always seems to be "skins", The dirty old man, The guy with all the tricks like kneeing you in the thigh as you blow past, The marathon runner, you'll be running up and down the court all day trying to keep up with this rabbit, and the worst of all, The guy who tries too hard. You know, the guy who's hustling way too much, recklessly throwing his body around for some mythical pickup basketball championship of the world. Lately my hospital has become this guy.

At first this guy seems like a guy you want on your team, you admire his hustle and enthusiasm until you realize how useless this hustle and enthusiasm is with a lack of talent. My hospital is like this guy. They seemingly trying so hard to make a positive work environment. In reality, all they're doing is creating new, even dumber surveys and trying to find solutions to unimportant problems.

I wrote about the last survey I did, being sure to include how stupid the questions and how poorly we scored in certain areas. I'd like to expand on that a little. We just got back letters about how they'd like to improve these "problems".

1. I have a best friend at work

Solution: From now on, we'll all make an effort to to celebrate each other's birthday, and to celebrate it outside of work. As many co-workers as possible will make an attempt to attend these celebrations.

This is practically a direct quote. I just can't understand, with all the problems hospitals face that this is genuinely a concern that needs any time spent on it at all.

2. In the last seven days I have received recognition or praise for doing good work.

Solution: Administrators will make more of an effort to verbalize a "good job". Lunch passes will be handed out for doing a good job, error free weeks.

Are you shitting me? Am i in 3rd grade again? Am i the only person who recognizes this as a waste of time for administrators to take time out of their busy days to tell me "good job"? The only praise I need is my pay check every two weeks. Secondly, can they really expect to bribe me with food. Is this like a teacher giving a student a piece of candy for getting an answer right in math class.

I think all this crap was was initially a good thing, just like the hustle of a no talent jack-hole who plays pick-up basketball. It's all turned out to be annoying so much so that you're ready to crack the guy's jaw because that last flailing elbow just hit you right in the solar plexis.