Wednesday, October 17, 2007

The ultimate sacrifice

As a Man, more specifically as a wingman, There is an ultimate sacrifice. This sacrifice is hooking up with the loud fat cow, so that your friend may bag the hot one.

I can remember one instance above all others because it was probably my most shameful moment. Alot of this story is second hand. I was a little too drunk to remember so I had had my buddy Danny email me his version of it all.

My buddies Danny, Matt, and of course myself, Were celebrating another Thursday night that by some miracle of God we were still alive. We went down to Cincinatti Street in El paso Tx. I can't remember which bar we specifically went to but it's not important to the story. We met three girls that night, their names escape me, and again, are unimportant to the story. One was incredibly hot that my friend Matt somehow convinced he was interesting. One was an average girl, who was a little dull. The other was a 300 llb cow from Juarez. Can you guess which girl is going to end up being the most important to the story?

After the bars closed, we went to their house near UTEP, on a street immediately west of and parallel to Mesa street. It was a big house that had been converted into four apartment flats. The hot girl was originally from Juarez, and she had her student visa to attend UTEP. She didn't have a visa to live there, but the apartment was in her aunts name and she stayed there most of the time.

Mat started talking to the hot one so Danny and I supported his futile effort to get laid. Of the two girls remaining, Danny started chatting up the average girl and I Went outside to smoke. Of course the cow followed me outside. When we got outside somehow we made it around to the back of the house. She asked if she could kiss me, I said I didn't think it'd be such a good idea. She said no no I mean down there, of course all this was said in broken spanglish but I still understood what she meant. Even I'm not going to turn down free head.

I guess at some point we made it back inside. Danny says that his conversation with the average girl wasn't going so well. It was repetitive and boring The following piece is taken directly out of the email Danny sent me;

I went to check on mat. That mother fucker was just sitting there holding hands and talking about traveling to Europe or something and all there clothes were still on! I then walked towards the back to take a leak. The bathroom was at the end of the hallway on the left, there was another door directly across from the bathroom but I didn't look into it at first.
When I walked out of the bathroom into the dark hall, my eyes were still adjusting from the light of the bathroom and I saw movement in the dark room across from the bathroom. Squinting and looking closer, I saw you and the nastiest fat ass fucking in the dark! It looked like you had her penned up on the dresser or something and you were doing her from behind. I didn't really want to look that close so I walked (fast) down the hallway and back towards the boring girl.
In the end, our support efforts were useless. I just got bored out of my mind by this girl, you made the ultimate sacrifice that any friend should make, and Mat's penis remained flaccid and unused. If my memory serves me correctly, I believe that you ran into the hot girl about a week or two later and took her back and fucked her with minimal effort. So I don't know what the fuck his problem was, if he would have just shut the fuck up about Polish trivia and pulled out his dick he probably would have been laid that night.

In conclusion I made the ultimate sacrifice for a friend and he did nothing but hold this girl's hand. If you're ever in a similar situation, please, please, take advantage of your friends help and bone the hot girl. Yes, I did run into the hot girl a week or so later, and yes I did fuck her, but Matt still isn't off the hook. If I'm ever in LA again it's his turn to fuck the cow.