Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Christmas Fun

I'll start off by reminding everyone how much I hate Christmas. It's all so fake. I'm not nice the other 364 days (365 in a leap year), why should I pretend to be nice on Christmas? For those of you that are politically correct, it's the holiday season and not Christmas. I think the political shit is enough for me to hate the whole damned month of December.

That little rant aside, I need to let the world know something. If one more fucking person asks me to donate money for some cause, or for a needy co-worker, or buffing Santa's ass, I'm going to go bat-shit crazy. Everyone seems to have their hand out during the holidays. Let me let you in on a little secret. Yes, I have a degree from a great university, but no, I don't use it, I'm stuck in a mindless, processing job because a job that utilizes my skills hasn't opened up and because I've made a few mistakes along the way. I only made $25,000 last year. Granted I live in the Midwest where the cost of living is manageable, but still, I'm fucking poor. With no goevernment assistance, I don't let the government buy my food and formula.

The last three requests I received were understandable, but still undo able. Someone at work approached me about donating money for our housekeeper. I'd like to be able to help, but in the grand scheme of things, We probably made about the same amount of money. The biggest exception, is that I have three mouths to feed while she has just herself.

The second request was for my boss, She put up a lien on her house so that her husband could open a restaurant that didn't pan out. She just lost her house in kind of a messy ordeal and they are having to go through a bankruptcy, She is 40 and now has no retirement. Again, I'd love to help, but I still remind myself that she makes at least $60,000 per year, I'm not in a position to help someone making 2 1/2 times what I make.

The Third request was for a program that the lab runs, instead of picking a needy family in the community, everyone in the lab chips in and helps three or four families in need in lab. First of all, I'm sure I'm the poorest family in the lab, I have the lowest paying job in the lab and have three mouths to feed, Everyone else that works with me has a spouse that works. Secondly, I think the pathologists that make $300,000 a year can pick up this tab, 6 of the 8 are single, and the other two are married to one another without kids, you know they're rolling in dough, How dare they even ask me to "Dig deep this year", because it's a tight year for everyone.

The last thing I'm going to bitch about today is the mismanagement of funds here in our lab. There's an ongoing rivalry between the first and second shifts, The first shift hates us because we're given a shift differential of $2.00 an hour more than our base pay, We hate first shift because, They leave us work they should have completed some days, and on other days they stay to finish work, eating up overtime, forcing managers to cut hours for other people. My hours are secure because I'm one of the few full time employees, I split my time between several different sections so it'd be impossible for them to cut my hours, What management has proposed is that we send people home from second shift early to save money.

I'm pissed off for two reasons, There is an equal workload on each shift, but They have twice the people, Secondly, They only eat up overtime because they take too many breaks during the day, they're given a 30 min breakfast break, a 30 min lunch break and another 15 min break. I get one 30 minute break, that is if I have time to take it, this time is automatically deducted from my paycheck and it takes an act of God to correct it with payroll. Basically if first shift had more people like me, as opposed to lazy old women, the work would get done in plenty of times and you wouldn't have to take money from the pockets of part time employees.

By the way, I have a friend who accidentally got two wii's this holiday season, he and he dad both waited in line and somehow they both got one, and they're looking to sell it, if you need a wii hit me up and I'll see how much they want for it.

Happy holidays, and remember hay-zoos (Jesus) would want you to have a good time and get bombed at his b-day.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

More Drama... So what's new?

The stupidest fucking thing just happened to me. My wife thinks we have a shit ton more problems than we really do and she also thinks I've cheated on her. I'm the type of guy that wouldn't cheat on anyone. I was cheated on while I was in Iraq, and frankly I don't care enough about anyone or anything to live a lie. I'd leave someone before I'd cheat on them.

All these new accusations stem from an IM conversations I had with a friend from Utah. I'll give you a little backstory. This girl had been dating this guy for about five years and left a stable home life and great job to live with him in California so that he could pursue a teaching/coaching career. I guess Things have turned south. Evidently they're on a break but she's still living in his home. I don't know every detail but it seems a little messed up to me. It sounds like there's another woman in the picture that he wants to feel out but doesn't want to eliminate the possibility of staying with his girlfriend. In other words, She's his fall back girl/plan. I understand the theory well, I've pulled the same asshole stunt many a time.

I started talking this girl through all of her options and none of them frankly sound all that appealing. I also made a pretty vain attempt at making her feel better. I'm sure I'm not the only person who's ever done this, but I exaggerated my own problems to try and make her feel better about the fucked up situation she was in. I wrote that my relationship could fall apart at any moment. I also wrote things about me cheating oh my girlfriend so that I'd sound like a bigger ass than her boyfriend so that she'd be able to reevaluate things a little more clearly. Like I said I know I'm not the only person to ever use this strategy with a friend.

Somehow, someway, she came across the transcript from this IM conversation. Frankly, I'm a little pissed, it's kind of a violation of my privacy, I don't snoop through her messages, I don't care that she keeps in touch with random guys, it doesn't bother me. Maybe I'm just a little more secure. Maybe I feel as though trust is important. All I know is that I'm pissed. I think I have a right to be, maybe I don't, regardless, I'm still pissed.

If I were going to leave, It'd be pretty damned obvious, I don't beat around the bush, I'm not shy, I'm not passive aggressive. I'd just be gone. Do I have a right to be upset? does She? I think the biggest thing that upsets me is; she's passive aggressive, She won't really tell me how she feels, she'll just be a little brat, and do things like wake me up to say "So you've cheated on me at least four times huh?" then sleepily I'll reply "huh?" not remembering the conversation from the previous night. She'll say "You know exactly what I mean." Then she'll walk out the door making a big show of leaving her ring on the nightstand, then come back for it ten minutes later when she has to go somewhere because, of course, she can't be seen in public with a child and no ring.

She's so fucking simple minded sometimes. I think all the problems I exaggerated may have just turned in to real problems. I don't know how much shit I can deal with, I really do love her, and I love my son more than anything in the world, but I'm not a problem solver in relationships, I run away, I find something new. If the issues are more than just superficial problems, I can't deal with them, It's not the way I am programmed, and it's not the way I roll. It's so much easier to just say, sure you're right, have a nice life alone.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Liberty dollars

I realize that I'm going to sound like a complete lunatic for writing this, but I'm going to do it anyway. I'm not some left wing nut I just think that this idea is soundly reasonable.

For those of you that haven't heard, There is an alternative currency in the U.S. it's called The Liberty Dollar. Go ahead and click on the link, I don't really have the time or the expertise to explain the whole system to you. Done reading? The principle of having a dollar that is actually backed by a measurable amount of gold, that can only appreciate in value seems like a pretty solid idea to me. I know you think I've gone off the deep end but I haven't.

I briefly touched on my issues with our economic system two posts ago when I mentioned rising inflation and the ratio of money the government is spending as opposed to how much we're receiving in tax allocations. It seems silly that we print more money, but don't acquire any gold or silver to back it. Pretty soon, the U.S. dollar will be worth about as much as the Yen.

Do you remember when gas was less than a dollar and penny candy was a penny? I think the rise in prices has less to do with foreign dependency on oil and greedy executives, as it does the devaluing of the dollar. Think about how much money the war in Iraq is costing us, then compare how much money we brought in, in taxes last year. I don't think it all adds up to well, There has been too much "creative math" in the last 50 or so years to make everything add up. I'm just not okay with it anymore.

The government has decided that the liberty dollar is illegal, charges have been filed for counterfeiting money. This bothers me, What's the point of capitalism without the benefit of competition, at the very least I hope our treasury department looks at it like a wake up call and realizes there is a problem.

On a side note: PTBG was allowed to train the new girl, whom I haven't referenced yet. It was damned hilarious. I've never heard so many "Like"'s, "Whatever"'s and "oh my gosh"'s. The first day I met the new girl, without having said a word to her, I knew I wouldn't like her. She's ditzy and skittish, she seems to be afraid of her job. I'm not okay with that. All in all I can't hate her though, she has a great rack, at least I get to stare. I'll get over my dislike by not talking to her. You can't hate someone you don't talk to right? Especially if they're hot. So much for first impressions.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Ghetto fabulous

I know I've written about this several times, but obviously I need to say this again. I HATE people who use/abuse welfare.

I was in the grocery store the other day and in the checkout line. I was chit chatting with my wife, but trying to sneak a peek at the very attractive woman in front of me. I don't know why, but I find the "high mantinence" chicks extremely attractive. I see nothing wrong with the girls that get all dolled up to go to the store. She was carrying a $800 hand bag and was wearing manolo blahniks. They're really expensive fucking shoes, they probably cost what I make in a month. Don't ask why I even know what they are.

I start talking to her because she was there with her son who was about the same age as mine, and because we were both purchasing the same beer. I know it's a lame excuse. My wife was busy entertaining our little boy so I needed someone to talk to. Grocery store girl tells me that she's a waitress at Denny's and her husband works for a local landscaper cutting grass.

The wheels in my head slowly start creaking. How in the hell can she afford the shit she's wearing waiting tables? I don't think her husband bought it for her, how lucrative can cutting grass be?

I also notice that she's buying only name brand foods. Buying name brand food has always bothered me. I adhere to the theory that for the most part it all tastes the same why spend twice what you need to, just because one company has a marketing budget. I kinda dismissed everything, convinced she has rich parents or a sugar daddy.

Later, I hear her tell the cashier she'd like to pay for her Sam Adams seperately. This seems a little funny to me, so I look up just to see how much she's spent. Her total was 206.49 and her cart wasn't even full, then, I look a little further down the screen and notice the words "EFT payment". She just bought all this shit with fucking food stamps but she can afford shoes that cost $2500 and an $800 hand bag. This is some fucked up shit.

I have about $150 left at the end of each month after all the bills are paid and we've done our grocery shopping. I qualify for food stamps but don't get them, I could also have the government buy formula for my kid. If I were to take government assistance I could save $800 bucks a month.

Unfortunatly, for me, I have something called pride, and a christian work ethic. I've given up hope for all humanity. I pretty much fucking hate everyone. Am I the only person not getting free money from the government? Where exactly does all this money come from anyway? I realize most of us pay taxes but if a huge percentage of the population is getting a check for more than they pay in taxes and others are getting back more money from tax refunds than they put in, What money is the government using for this.

Pretty soon people will realize that the money we have is no more valuable than monopoly money, the government seems to give it out at will with no regard for where it's coming from, or inflation. I realize this is a little off topic but seriously, where the fuck is all this money coming from?

I hope I never see the grocery store lady again, but if I do, I'll forget that my mother taught me it was wrong to hit women. I'll punch her right in the face, steal her shoes and send them to The charming hedonist.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Dr Drew and loveline

I was driving home from work the other day, listening to Love Line on the radio and Dr. drew had some general advice about long distance relationships. Obviously I'm not in a situation where long distance relationships matter to me because I have a Son and a live-in girlfriend. I know I've called her my wife here on the blog before. It's mostly because we as a married couple and I work at a conservative Catholic hospital. Work doesn't need to know I live with a girl I knocked up.

The caller Dr. Drew was talking to was 19 and vaguely mentioned long distance relationships. Dr. Drew didn't give him any advice specific to hie problem. Wfhat he did say, shook me up a little bit. He said that relationships in our teens are meant to dissolve, to date multiple people, and not to take your formative college years for grandted. What I took this was that early teenage relationships are basically practice for your "real" life. You also need your college years to form your personality, you're finally away from your parents and need to develop your personality as an adult.

This worries me because my girlfriend was 19 when she got knocked up and were forced into a relationship more serious than either of us were ready for. It was especially tough because we weren't even dating when all this went down. We were friends who made a mistake. I wish I could blame it on alcohol, but we were both sober. We moved in together because it was the only way I could afford to provide for my little boy. I wasn't making very much money (I'm still not) and can't afford all my own bills and child support. I can, however afford to take care of my son if he was living with me.

My girlfriend didn't get the benefit of these "practice relationships". What happens when she starts to resent me for not being able to have her fun college years. Does she leave me? Does she take my little boy with her? How important is it for teens to have these relationships dissolve. I know it taught me alot about life. It taught me that life is short, but so is my patience. It taught me What my buttons were, and how easily they could be set off. I learned that there's no such thing as a perfect relationship. Most importantly, I learned that no matter how hot any girl is; some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit. What if she hasn't learned these very valuable lessons?

I wonder if there's a way to let her try to live life a little without moving out and telling her to go date other people. Would she still want to be with me? I'm on my second marriage and my priorities have changed. I'll never leave her because she's such a good mom. At some point in time "Good Mom" jumped to number 1 on my list of of qualities I find most appealing in a woman. Fuck, how boring am I.

I guess I expect help from some of my female readers on this. How important were your wild years in college in the formation of your personality and the formation of your priorities in relationships? What's the over/ under on her hating me five years from now for taking away that part of her life. What's the over under on her leaving me?

Friday, November 30, 2007

Adsense was actually useful?

I found this link as an ad from fucking adsense... can you believe it... adsense actually showed an ad that I wanted to click on...

Thursday, November 29, 2007


Lately I've been posting pretty infrequently but I promise that will change soon. I still have lots of great stories, If you'd like, and I'd like you to, subscribe to my blog so that I can send you an email anytime I post. That way you can save your time effort and energy. Why check the blog if there's nothing new?

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Why I'm in trouble at work

So I get a dirty little note in my mailbox at work today. Normally I don't even look at them, They go straight into the recyclable bin. (Yes, I try to do my part to save the environment so long as it doesn't require any real work.) I ignore them because 99.99999% of the time it's just silly stuff. In most cases it takes longer to write the note than it does to actually fix the problem. Today, I read it. It was about two paragraphs long and it detailed the fact that I told someone to draw an incorrect specimen for a particular test.

There are a few things you need to know about me. I don't like to be told I did something wrong. I'm able to recognize I'm not perfect, but I make few, if any errors at work. Secondly, I do not tolerate condescension in any way shape or form. Lastly, I'm confident that I won't get fired. I'm just too valuable. I'm so ridiculously overqualified for my job that it's not funny. So I do and say what I please.

I decided to confront the person about the note. What it all boils down to, is that I gave someone the specimen requirements for something they ordered. Evidently the nurse ordered it incorrectly, yet some how it's my fault. I guess I should have known what she meant.

This woman that works the day shift thinks she's in charge. She's been here forever and her word is taken for scripture amongst the people that work in the client services department of our lab. I couldn't care less what she thinks.

Our conversation went roughly like this

KD: The doctor wanted PCR added to this test. It has to have a different specimen. Now, because of you, we have to stick the patient again.

Me: My first point is you have no real idea what's going on. It's not my job to magically know that the doctor wants something other than what was ordered by the nurse. Secondly, PCR isn't something that's done in addition to a test, it's the methodology for the test. Do you know what methodology even means?"

(A side note: PCR stands for polymerase chain reaction. Very simply put it's a methodology in which the DNA of whatever you happen to be looking for, is replicated then amplified in vitro so that you can more easily identify substance in low concentrations in blood.) Wikipedia explains it better HERE

Me: If you don't even understand what the test is, or what it's for, how exactly are you going to lecture me about it?

KD: I was just trying to help I thought you might like to know what you needed to do in cases like these.

Me: If you compare the two of us, only one of us has an education who is more likely to know what's actually going on with a test? That's right, me. If you really want to be helpful, you can tell me how to seem to know everything so that I can know everything too.

KD: Well it's not as if I can make a list of every test we've ever done and copy the specimen requirements for it.

Me: Of course you can't, I just want to know you source of information because we both know you're not smart enough to memorize all that information.

KD: you don't have to be rude.

Me: Evidently, people around hear don't take me seriously when I'm nice so I guess I have to be an asshole in order for people to listen to me.

I know she's not intelligent enough to memorize even the simplest detail. I really want to know where she gets her information for all of these obscure tests no one has ever heard of. I'm damned sure it's just that she has the phone number of the reference lab we use. They actually staff people during the day time. If I try to call after five all I get is an answering service. I want to show her up and prove this theory, but it's not worth me coming to work during the day. I'm pissed that she has everyone convinced she's so good at her job. She doesn't want anyone to know the source of her information so she just tells our bosses that she searched and searched and just happened to find all the right information. She couldn't let everyone else in on the big secret, she wouldn't be nearly as valuable.

I got called into the bosses office and got another slap on the wrist and told not to "rock the boat". I was reminded how long she'd been here and that I didn't need to be rude when I address people. Of course there was no mention of the fact that I'm the only competent person that works in my section. I guess it's an unsaid truth that allows me to keep my job. Man if I didn't have a family to support I'd quit today.

Friday, November 23, 2007

The mighty blog

well I've been avoiding this for quite some time because he seems like such a creepy bastard but I guess if I am reading this guy every day I should share it with you. Please don't think less of me because I read The Mighty Blog.

I'm going out of town for the weekend to see the in laws. I'm not so excited but I guess I have to deal with it for the sake of my son. I guess he does need to hang out with grandma and grandpa. After that I have to hit the books hard. I have a test for a specialty certification which should give me a nice 5 dollar an hour raise, obviously, that's priority number 1.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Holiday cocktails

For the most part, The holidays tend to be joyous. Well at least for normal happy people. For me, all they do is create stress. From having to hang out with the in-laws, to being reminded of how poor I am when I go shopping for gifts

Tip: If you maintain purely superficial relationships with people, you don't ever have to actually buy them gifts.

Look at me, Aren't I a regular Martha fucking Stewart. Tell me that's not the best cost saving tip you've heard all year. Think about how much you spend in pointless gifts.

There's alot to hate about the holidays, and I didn't even get into having to clean up all the messes. Why must we be slobs to have a good time? Why do we have to have 10 grand worth of wrapping paper for a pair of socks? Why do we have to find tinsel behind the couch in June? Frankly decorations piss me off. If these thing bother you half as much as they bother me, you might find yourself needing a cocktail to take the edge off. In my case I need the cocktail(s) to get hammered so I forget all the madness. So I've decided to give you guys some of my favorite cocktail recipes.

Before you leave a dumb ass comment like you've already heard of this crap, I'll completely concede that some or all of these drinks are well known. I just decided to make a compilation for your convienece.

Napoleon Dynamite. This actually has several different forms but I'm just going to tell you my favorite. If you don't like it fuck you.

1. Take a can of jellied cranberry sauce and slice it thinly to line the inside of a martini glass (mostly just for looks and effect).

2 Mix 3 oz of Bailey's
1 oz of tequila rose
1 oz creme de cacao
3 Shake on ice and pour into martini glass. It's a little girly but tasty.

Holiday scotch and sour

1 1 1/2 oz of scotch
1 oz cherry brandy
1/2 oz of sweet vermouth
1 oz sweet and sour mix

Shake on ice, strain into an old fashioned glass over ice and add lemon as a garnish

Christmas hangover

1 Crush up half a candy can and add it to the ice in your shaker

2 Mix 4 oz of light rum
5 oz of Sprite
Strain into a high ball glass and garnish with a candy cane. Kinda tastes like a mojito but candier ( is candier a word?)

Brandy Alexander

1 1 1/2 oz of brandy
1 oz creme de cacao
2 oz of egg nog

Shake with ice and strain into a martini glass

Hot Tottie - I know it's simple but who doesn't like it on a cold day

1 Mix 5 oz of hot tea
Honey to taste
Lemon to taste
3 oz of Bacardi 151 or your favorite whiskey

French 75 I hate the frenchie toads.. but I like this drink

1 Mix 1 1/2 oz Gin (I prefer Bombay Sapphire)
2 oz lemon juice
2 tsb of powdered sugar

Shake over ice. Strain into a Red wine glass. Fill the rest of the glass with your favorite champagne. Garnish with a lemon

I'm sure I'll think of more in the coming days but until then tell me what your favorite holiday drinks are. I always need new ways to get hammered to forget my family

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Mr. Scrooge

I know it's not even really the holidays, but I'm sick of it all already. My wife is already putting up christmas decorations, Work is following suit and it's not even Thanksgiving. I just put on my happy face for a few weeks, then I get to go back to being a grumpy old bastard the rest of the year. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm a real life Mr. Scrooge. That is, without all the money and my own Bob cratchett to push around.

In other news; The army has a saying that deals with a lack of leadership in a given situation. If you act like you're in charge eventually people will just follow. In some ways this has been true at work. I'm not in charge of shit, but without a direct supervisor I've become the de facto boss. I like it. Although, I'd like the paycheck alot better. I've been assigned to train the new guys and they come and report to me every night. All I have to do now is stay in this dead end job another ten years and I've have my own drone of minions that will do everything the way I think is best.

Lately I've been checking out alot of new blogs for inspiration, I've hit a little bit of writers block. I need to steal ideas, so sue me. Any way I've come across Bottle blonde. She's pretty damned hilarious (said with an extra emphasis on the "I"). She's perverted and sarcastic. I've always found sarcastic women kinda sexy. I'd rather have a loud sarcastic bitch than a quiet June Cleaver type. Anyway, go read her blog, hopefully she'll never know I have an internet crush on her even though she didn't really give me any ideas about what to write.

I did come to the realization that I'm getting a little older now. In my day (yeah I really said that , and no I'm not eighty years old). I could pack em away. Sunday I went over to a buddies house to watch football and burn stuff, can't really say which was better. Living in the ozarks definitely means burning shit, especially when fireworks become involved can rank right on up there with the NFL. Anyway, I digress. I drank a six pack and about about five mixed drinks, several of which were egg based. My friend and all of his buddies seem to have some weird fascination with egg nog and anything else they can put an egg in. It's really quite scary. After consuming my drinks at 20 I'd be just getting started, ready to party till dawn. Now, I went home at 8 30 exhausted barely unable to keep my eyes open to feed my child. Getting old sucks, and I'm not even thirty, I just live and old lifestyle now. I've finally been drug into the "real" world.

For all the advancements medicine has made, it can't do a damned thing about getting old. Sure we can keep you alive untill you're 906 years old. but in that condition is it really any better than being eaten by worms? Didn't think so. My wife is doing her clinical rotations for nursing school and she keeps coming home to tell me stories about feeding people or changing their adult diapers, or dressing them. My guess is that she wants a pat on the back. She wants me to tell her how wonderful and caring she is, in reality, all I can think is "Are my tax dollars seriously being spent on a 96 year old bitch that can't pull up her own pants, can't wipe her own ass and can't fucking feed herself. How does it help society to keep this kind of person around?

Like I said I'm a real life Mr. Scrooge but isn't it about time for us to look at the world a little more realistically? Isn't it more important that something have utilitarian value rather than just aesthetic value, or in the case of my wife's patient, any value at all?

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

A movie?

I know it seems like I abandoned the blog, but between studying for a specialty certification, work, my family, and the computer finally dying (btw we have a brand new mac book that I think I love) I haven't had much time to even hear myself think. that being said I'm sorry if you're one of my few regular readers.

About two weeks ago a coworker came up to me and asked me if I knew anything about putting a catheter in someone. I said I was vaguely familiar with the idea. While I have spent most of my time in the army as a lab tech, I had to go through what was 91 B medic school. I think they changed nomaclatures and requirements shortly after I finished. I've inserted exactly two catheters in my life, once in school, and once in Iraq when I was forced to fill in for a medic. So ha ha ER nurse I probably really do have a broader knowledge base than you. I know emergency medicine from my days in iraq and I have the knowledge I've acquired as a lab tech.

The reason she asked, is that she got a creepy phone call early that morning. She said the man on the other end of the phone wouldn't identify himself, and asked "I heard you were a nursing student and I was given your name as someone who might be able to help me." Confused she replied with a sheepish "with what?" His son had a drug test that morning and he needed someone to drain his bladder and fill again with someone's clean urine. Evidently he made it clear that money wasn't an issue either.

From the sounds of it she unable or unwilling to help them. I'm pretty sure this is straight out of the movie the Program so I'm not entirely sure how accurate or truthful it is. That being said I think I believe her. Even if it was just a prank call from a friend

She didn't seem to be all that concerned with the legality of it all, just that she was convinced it would give him a bladder infection, and she said she was just a student and couldn't do anything without the guidance of her instructors. I totally disagree. Student or not, for the right price I'd do it in a second. I wouldn't think twice about this guy's health. It can all be done in a sterile environment and as long as the clean urine is fresh it should be sterile as well. He's someone that is avoiding jail time. I'm pretty sure he's aware of the inherent risks. Besides, does he really have a case if he wants to sue you.

This got me thinking about a few things. For the most part I'd say I have a solid values system but then I wonder. I'd be more than willing to drain someone's bladder replace their urine. What else would I be wiling to do for the almighty dollar? Where does my want for money become less important than my values? in the grand scheme of things, I volunteered to go to Iraq for the large paycheck, not because it was my patriotic duty, or even that I had to. When I say I volunteered I mean it, I took someone else's place, otherwise I would have stayed at WBAMC in El paso. In essence isn't going to war for money borderline sleezy?

I know I don't have a whole lot of regualr readers but it would really help me out if you'd leave me a comment on where you think your own moral limit would be. Would you kill someone else for the right price? would you help a guy avoid jail time by replacing the urine in his bladder. Would you put an ampule of blood under someone's skin so that someone could get out of paying child support due to inaccurate DNA samples. I just want to know if where I stand is near the moral majority or if maybe my values are a little skewed.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

The sweet sweet smell of lab work

I'll be honest. I really can't think of anything to write about, but it's either blog some random crap or watch "Barney and Friends" with my little boy. You can guess which I decided to do. Don't worry if I suddenly break out into song and dance while I'm writing/you're reading this. Barney is playing in the background. When Exactly did Barney become "and friends"? Did they not think Barney was a big enough freak? Did they really have to add three more little dinosaur freaks? Oh well.

I was thinking the other day that there are a lot of odd smells in the lab, not all of them bad either. If you walk into the micro lab the first and only thing you'll smell is a pungent odor similar to that of old wet gym socks that have been in your gym bag for roughly the last quarter century. But there are actually a few pleasant smells.

Way back in the day, honestly I don't know how far back, physicians would test the urine of a suspected diabetic by dipping his finger in and touching it to his tongue. If it tasted sweet, They were diabetic. Until the 1930's diabetes was a sure death sentence until a physician basically started to grind up pancreas from normal Dogs and inject it into his patients. He didn't understand what it was doing and it only prolonged life for a short time but in essence he had found the first form of insulin therapy. A sweet, fruity odor from urine is still a pretty good clue for a lab tech as to whether someone has diabetes. I guess it's a little weird to think we just go around sniffing all the piss that comes into the lab. The causative agent is acetone in your urine, which is a symptom of diabetes and ketosis.

The next one is even stranger. Pseudomonas aeruginosa emits a "grape-like" odor when grown on sheep's blood agar. Unfortunately I don't know what chemical it produces to make the odor but I do know it's a good presumptive identification. Pseudomonas aeruginosa usually only invades the body of immuno-comprimised individuals, but is unique in it's ability to be pathogenic to both Humans and plants. It has minimal nutritional requirments and can be seen growing in distilled water. It even has resistance to many simple antibiotics.

I know this post is really random but I'm a bit of a closet geek if you haven't noticed. Plus I thought maybe people would enjoy random tidbits of information rather than my last few stories of debauchery. If you happen to come across this post and you have any questions let me know. I know more random knowledge, especially about lab work than most people and it'll give me stuff to write about, so leave questions in the comments for me.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Real friends

I've always considered my self a pretty good friend. I'd give my friends my last dollar or the shirt off my back. I've also been blessed to have great friends. I guess I have to say this with a bit of a disclaimer. I'm not the same friend drunk. I'm loud, rude, and obnoxious. Worst of all I do things like having sex in my friends bed and hooking up with their sisters.

The only two guys I would feel comfortable calling my best friends would be Chad and Danny. Chad was in San Antonio and you can read about the story with his sister in law here.

Danny was in El paso and he was definitely my favorite person while I was there. He was a reservist from Arizona. Danny and I had lots of great times. One of them included his sister. His little sister, who was actually my age, came down to El Paso to visit for the weekend. I decided I'd go out with them to Gay bar named the Old Plantation or the O.P.n for short. I'm not sure why We always ended up there, but We always had a good time. We all walk in the door and I'm immediately impressed. The first words out of her mouth are "who wants shots?" Normally I expect some fruity shot like a jolly rancher when a girl utters those words, but not her. It was vodka, chilled. I don't remember much after the 8th chilled vodka in a row but we were obviously having a good time. We ended up dancing, sorta. By dancing I mean me performing a delicate balancing act that kept me from puking and falling at the same time. Long story short, we started making out, out of the sight of Danny and the rest of our friends.

I went up to Danny afterward, obviously feeling bad. I apologized profusely for making out with his sister, or at least I think I did, I slur pretty badly when I'm drunk. I guess it wasn't a real apology though, I had every intention of trying to sleep with her that night. But I digress. Danny kind of shrugged it off and said what a real friend would. "Well, She makes better choices than I do. What do I care?" These are the things a real friend would say in such an awkward situation. It's by far my favorite quote of all time.

In conclusion, If you hook up with you're best friends' sisters', and yes That is a multiple, You're a bad friend. If you shrug it off and accept that you're best friend is a dick and he just made out with your sister in a gay bar, you're a really really good friend. I guess it turns out I'm not really as good a friend as I once thought.

By the way, I did go home with them that night, She was crashing at her brothers, and I had every intention of hooking up with her on his couch. I think she had the same ideas but we both passed out after coming home a finishing a bottle of Cutty Sark. Boooo for cheap scotch.

Friday, October 19, 2007


I found out something interesting today. It turns out that I work with a polygamist, Well sorta. The piddler (you can read about her here

I found out that The piddler allows her husband to have two girlfriends at any time. The weirdest part is that she openly embraced the idea, bragging about how progressive she was. Obviously I was a little confused. It also turns out that one of his girlfriends is someone else who works in our hospital, a Little Laotian girl. Obviously He likes asians.

I got to thinking and realized I don't even have the time to keep up with/track of even one woman. How the hell can a man successfully juggle three women. I'm not talking about three fuckbuddies. These are three distinct relationships. I know he and the piddler have children together as well. He must not sleep is the only logical conclusion I can come up with. I wonder how confusing it is for those kids.

Maybe there's something I just don't know about the Vietnamese culture. Is this common practice? Maybe they're part of the reformed LDS church. Whatever their reasoning for this little arrangement, I just can't seem to get on board with the idea.

It's been said that the only thing better than pussy is new pussy. For the most part I agree. But is it worth the added drama. I can only image. You'd have to have subservient women or your life would be a living hell. They'd all have their menstrual cycles at the same time, They'd all be vying for you're attention constantly. Not to mention you'd have extra mouths to feed. How would you decide who you slept with. Would they're be a sex schedule. Plus you'd be three times more likely to have kids whether you wanted more or not. What if they all ganged up against you one day?

I honestly don't know if I'd even have time to cheat on my wife with someone who knew I was married, didn't care, and helped me to hide it. I couldn't even have a fuck buddy on the side sans a relationship. Between work, My kid, My wife, And occasionally getting to the gym I have about 15 minutes to myself every day. I wouldn't waste that precious time on some random hookup, I'd much rather waste it watching scrubs and drinking beer.

Turns out the only polygamy I like is Polygamy Porter

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

The ultimate sacrifice

As a Man, more specifically as a wingman, There is an ultimate sacrifice. This sacrifice is hooking up with the loud fat cow, so that your friend may bag the hot one.

I can remember one instance above all others because it was probably my most shameful moment. Alot of this story is second hand. I was a little too drunk to remember so I had had my buddy Danny email me his version of it all.

My buddies Danny, Matt, and of course myself, Were celebrating another Thursday night that by some miracle of God we were still alive. We went down to Cincinatti Street in El paso Tx. I can't remember which bar we specifically went to but it's not important to the story. We met three girls that night, their names escape me, and again, are unimportant to the story. One was incredibly hot that my friend Matt somehow convinced he was interesting. One was an average girl, who was a little dull. The other was a 300 llb cow from Juarez. Can you guess which girl is going to end up being the most important to the story?

After the bars closed, we went to their house near UTEP, on a street immediately west of and parallel to Mesa street. It was a big house that had been converted into four apartment flats. The hot girl was originally from Juarez, and she had her student visa to attend UTEP. She didn't have a visa to live there, but the apartment was in her aunts name and she stayed there most of the time.

Mat started talking to the hot one so Danny and I supported his futile effort to get laid. Of the two girls remaining, Danny started chatting up the average girl and I Went outside to smoke. Of course the cow followed me outside. When we got outside somehow we made it around to the back of the house. She asked if she could kiss me, I said I didn't think it'd be such a good idea. She said no no I mean down there, of course all this was said in broken spanglish but I still understood what she meant. Even I'm not going to turn down free head.

I guess at some point we made it back inside. Danny says that his conversation with the average girl wasn't going so well. It was repetitive and boring The following piece is taken directly out of the email Danny sent me;

I went to check on mat. That mother fucker was just sitting there holding hands and talking about traveling to Europe or something and all there clothes were still on! I then walked towards the back to take a leak. The bathroom was at the end of the hallway on the left, there was another door directly across from the bathroom but I didn't look into it at first.
When I walked out of the bathroom into the dark hall, my eyes were still adjusting from the light of the bathroom and I saw movement in the dark room across from the bathroom. Squinting and looking closer, I saw you and the nastiest fat ass fucking in the dark! It looked like you had her penned up on the dresser or something and you were doing her from behind. I didn't really want to look that close so I walked (fast) down the hallway and back towards the boring girl.
In the end, our support efforts were useless. I just got bored out of my mind by this girl, you made the ultimate sacrifice that any friend should make, and Mat's penis remained flaccid and unused. If my memory serves me correctly, I believe that you ran into the hot girl about a week or two later and took her back and fucked her with minimal effort. So I don't know what the fuck his problem was, if he would have just shut the fuck up about Polish trivia and pulled out his dick he probably would have been laid that night.

In conclusion I made the ultimate sacrifice for a friend and he did nothing but hold this girl's hand. If you're ever in a similar situation, please, please, take advantage of your friends help and bone the hot girl. Yes, I did run into the hot girl a week or so later, and yes I did fuck her, but Matt still isn't off the hook. If I'm ever in LA again it's his turn to fuck the cow.

Monday, October 15, 2007

My crazy ass mother

I've really debated whether or not I wanted to post this. It may be too personal. Since none of my family reads my blog I figure it's pretty safe. I've also learned a long time ago not to be ashamed of who I am or where I came from. Don't hold me accountable for any mistakes or confusion. She rambles on alot. I think she might have some schitzo tendencies.

Dearest Rob Rob the party slob
I finally was able to to find your e-mail amongst all the spam.I'm very happy to hear from
from you. Of course Tony and Grandma sent the pictures to my sister. And I did receive the
the pictures of you and your girlfriend with the baby. I've surrounded my bedroom with them and sleep very peacefully with them all around me.As far as any diseases are concerned
Dickie just has a very weak heart. When I last spoke with him I asked if he could possibly make it to see you before you went into the army. I had no idea if I would ever see you again
if you were ever shipped overseas. It was then that he told me that he was too weak to make the trip.I was so releived to know the you were working at Walter Reed in the States and am very happy to know you've been able to to find a job in your profession.
As far as your Mother tracking him down, I too would like to know where he is. His own sister doesn't seem to be in touch with him as often.I really would like to see him once more
before he dies. I have always loved him and I always will. And as far as him not ever meeting
you...He and his adoptive Mother were right there in the waiting room the day you were born.
He helped me raise Tony until he was three and you were very much a part of both of our lives for your first year. If you'll remember, I was furious when the first place Tony wanted to bring you was to Anna's house. The fact is that you may have very well been David Eugene's
son;Davey's natural father. We never spoke of it ever before and Ben was Davey's great Uncle. He never knew about you.Your ultrasound determined that you were conceived within the 24 hrs that Jabo was there and Dickie coming home that morning. Yes..I know that our being together was wrong but, he and Anna fought so much. Initially he wanted to marry me
but, decided on Anna. When Anna learned about that one night she always swore you were
his natural child. He called me from the boat off shore and wanted very much for us to just take Davey, Tony and Me as I carried you to Italy where we would have been safe until he could divorce her but, the three of us decided that though there was only one chance that you were his there was no need to break up their marriage. Sometimes I wash I had listened to Jabo then..because if it hadn't been for Dickie being there she really would have been glad to help make me miscarry you. And beleive me...one way or another it seemed that she was determined to take you away from me. Dickie saved our lives and his Mother Camile swore you were Dickie's. And I must admit you looked very much like Christopher; Dickie's son from his first marriage. You see son, I was very glad to hear you had the HLA done on Warren. I would very much like to settle the family fued for once and for all. Dickie's sister Dianne adopted Christopher and raised him with her own. She finally gave Christopher back to his natural mother and she's finally remarried. However Christopher is currently incarcerated somewhere in Florida. I just wanted to find them so that when you match
it will settle things once and for all. I may be wrong...and it may be easier to ask Davey
but, this can't be done with her knowledge. And if I am wrong and your not Dickie's I'll never hear the end of it. If I had to spend any money on the test in case of a life threatening situation, I would prefer to spend it beleiving you were Dickie's. I've been spending alot of time thinking about about this. I don't know how willing you are to find out..but, I'm tired of
looking in Jabo's neices eyes and seeing a likeness there too. Dickie had almost a neon green hazel eyes that you could see clear across a football feild.And of course Jeff, Jabo's brother just had to bring up the fact that the Steelman's can make green eyed baby's too. But, that was Jeff and as much as I loved Jeff and his brother...Jabo's eyes were blue. So whether or not you're willing to find out I want you to know that my losing you had alot to do with a vendetto between she and I. But, Jabo left her and had Davey with him. Both Tony and Davey slept in the same crib that night. And he may have stayed if Dickey hadn't returned when he did. But, he did. And the kind of passionate love we had for one another at the time cannot be ignored.Jabo should have chosen to marry me from the beginning. He was given a second chance. Somehow though after Dickie had been away at his sister in
law's house for the past week he suddenly apeared out of nowhere. And quite frankly when I really think about it...I have to admit there's a resemblence to him and the Carraras boys.
If you don't know who they are, I'll tell you now. Claudia's first husband was a man named
Fred. Everyone knew him as Fico. But, Claudia fell in love with Manual. Mr Fico was Anna's natural father with Claudia...I know there's not enough time to go over all the details but,
apparently she legally adopted two other children from her sister Marijo because she didn't think she could have any children of her own. Well, to get to the point, Mr Fico remarried
Anna's stepmother Janet. She didn't legally adopt the children because Claudia never gave up her right to them but, never the less Fico and Janet had two boys of their own. Those boys looked very much like Dickie and Camile did say that that she adopted him from a
two people who were very much in love, very good looking woman but, apparently the other
was not available at the time. And though Mr Fico's mother swore I looked like Mr. Fico's
child she swore I wasn't. It really never bothered me before but the resemblences between Dickey and Janet's kids are uncanny. It's just a hunch...but, there is a way to be sure now.
There wasn't then. And as for Tony...I think I amy have already been pregnant before that black man got ahold of me; too. Yeah baby..I've had alot of time to think about what you did
to be sure that baby was yours. and I may not be able to afford the final test when it comes to me. But there sure was alot of baby swaping going on between Esperanza Lopez's three boys. And quite frankly I wouldn't be surprised to find that the two people you think of as your grandparents; aren't. I was emmancipated when I was 15 yrs. old. So...they're only family by proxy technically; that is if they want to be. But, you are indeed my natural child as well as Tony. And all this natural law may cause some feelings to be hurt. So, please be ever so polite to consider their feelings first before you discuss this if ever you discuss this with anyone but the two of us. I quite frankly couldn't stand for anyone to stand between
the fragile relationship we're able to develope now. And Robert..you probably will always be the baby. But, just in case I should ever have the opportunity to marry...it may be my only saving grace left besides my talent. The virus is absolutely undetectable now and I could stop the medication if I have to but, then there's always a chance for a relapse if I don't complete the program. I was able to develope an immunity to the B series now the C series
is at it's final stage. My right hip is irrepairable but, I can walk. I'm weak but, I'm intelligent.
If I can find a job worth risking another fall for..I'll do it. But, I do know that I can slip fall too easily in the snow. And as much as I want to be a part of your life heading any further north
doesn't seem like a good idea. I finally contacted the Mayor of Nashville to be sure that, though their non-emergency staff say they can't find the case file of the shooting incidence
in the '80's, I asked them be sure that there was nothing further that they need from me.
As far as any counciling I've sought here...one opinion was that if I ever had any disorder
I'm in remission now. And the other thinks I just need speach therapy for my southern drawl.
But, other wise....if I have to have a competancy hearing I can probably dispute the case well enough. The third report from Mississippi hasn't arrived and we both know that in scientific method two out of three will be the final decision. So, I'm not too worried about
about sticking around long enough for the mayor to find the case file..and wherever I can find
a job in my profession I would probably relocate to. But, I still don't have a car. And quite frankly wish you'd come pick me up and only if you care or you don't care about settleing the family fued..I'll understand either way. I'm pretty sure the coast is clear now. All I can do here is find a job making less than 1600.00 a month in the snow using the job access program in this county till Jessica graduates. Until then...all I need is the clearance letter from Vanderbilt once I've completed the interfuron. and I'll only get that 6 months after my last injection.All the radiactive residue has to be gone. But, then..I would very much like to hold that grandbaby of mine. I will not want to miss one more minute of my life without you in it after that.Till then...I'm snug as a bug in a rug. Love you, Mama Vicki

I'll try to clarify the best I can first, Tony is My biological half brother who is black but no one in the family will admit it. Dickie is the man most of my family thinks is my biological father. Christopher (the one in jail) would be my half brother also if dickie is my father. Jabo was my aunt anna's husband who my mother believes could also be my father. Yeah I know it's strange my uncle could also be my Dad. As for the rest of it, it's just rambling that I don't think I'll ever understand. No one really ever knows if she has hepatitis, and no one recieves interfuron for it anyway. You just can't trust anything that comes from her mouth.

V over at Violent Acres seems to think she had a shitty childhood, try having this crazy bitch for a mother Add a little drug and alchohol abuse and I think I win the shittiest mom award cause you know it's a competition right?

I don't want anyone coming away with the idea that I'm having some kind of pity party. I just want people to get a better idea of where I'm coming from. I want people to understand why I strugle with empathy. I have a family with a history of drug and alchohol abuse and mental illness but it's never stopped me from making the right choice for me. Yeah I've had my own history of substance abuse but about three months before my son was born I had a choice to continue being a worthless drunk or to try and be a good father who wouldn't have my kid taken away by the state. In one day I decided to stop drinking. So I don't feel sorry for people who ruin their lives with drugs and alchohol.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Is it possible that I'm a rapist?

I was over at collegecallgirl.blogspot.com and she was talking about the times she had been molested or raped or taken advantage of. She did a good job of illustrating how a girl could be ashamed of what she'd done and not realize a crime had been committed. She also told how she blamed herself.

This brings me back to a New Year's eve party. I was home on leave from the Army for the first time. I was 19 and was pretty sure I was invincible. I had been dating a girl on and off for awhile. Her name was Sarah. She really meant the world to me. I can't tell you if we were, or weren't dating at the time, It was a confusing relationship to me. Later in life I've realized I was way more into her than she was me. I even told her I'd compare every girl I was with after her, to her. It's still, in some ways very true. Unfortunately now, She's a lesbian, and I'm just an afterthought to her.

Sarah and I weren't able to meet up that New Year's and I was upset. I went to a small house party a few of my friends were throwing. I ended up getting extremely drunk along with one of Sarah's friends. She and I went upstairs to an unoccupied bedroom and had sloppy drunk sex.

I got a phone call about two weeks later when I was back in San Antonio, Asking me what the hell was wrong with me, and why I'd ever sleep with her friend. Apparently her friend was still a virgin and still in high school so it was kind of a big deal. When The rumors started to fly about us, She started telling people she got drunk and passed out and when she woke up she was naked and I was on top of her. She was telling people I had basically raped her while she was passed out. No police reports were ever filed and no charges were ever brought against me. I felt shitty for treating Sarah that way but was pissed about being labeled a rapist.

I was always 100 percent sure that we had consensual sex. We were both wasted and no one at the party remembers me having to coerce anyone, especially her, (she wasn't all that attractive) into having sex with me. Not to sound cocky but I was an attractive guy, I could have done much better.

Now, after reading collegcallgirl's blog I wonder if I really did rape her. I'm still 95% sure it was consensual but that 5% worries me. Hopefully it was just a situation where she was a virgin just trying to save face. What if it wasn't? We were both incredibly drunk. Is it not rape if I can't understand that she's saying no. Is it rape if I'm too drunk to realize she's passed out while we were making out, and I continue anyway. People are prosecuted for murder if they're drunk. I just worry about whether this is something that may actually haunt this girl. What if I'm the guy she has nightmares about because I really did rape her? Is it possible that I'm really a rapist?

Thursday, October 11, 2007


I was over at ER nurse's blog and she was talking about how sick she was of people feeling as though they were entitled to anything and everything. I have to whole-heartedly agree. I'm relatively young, but with old school values. Sometimes I just don't get it.

The People who piss me off the most are the people who feel entitled, for seemingly no reason. I think little disrespectful things piss me off more than major incidents. Most of the time I can blow someone off if they're in my face yelling at me. I can either chalk it up to them having a bad day, having a death wish, or just being generally ignorant.

A good example of "the little things" happened today. I had just come to work and was cleaning up the previous shift's mess (This in and of itself pissed me off.)When a gentleman with a specimen to drop off decided to come up to my window and my counter and start moving things out of the way so he'd have a place to put his laptop so he could start filling out the order for the specimen.

Problem Number 1. Don't ever move shit that doesn't belong to you. Especially when someone is working in that exact area already

Problem Number 2. If you don't work somewhere, respect the area you walk into, We're not Fucking burger king, it isn't always you're way, right away. Guess what The Customer isn't always right at a hospital.

Problem Number 3. You need to have everything you just did on my counter completed before you come to the lab. It's not okay to label a specimen when it's already to the lab. Per protocol you need to label that shit bedside, or at least not when you're standing if front of me.

The one decent thing about working in a hospital, and not having to do patient care, is what I mentioned earlier, we're not burger king. We have written established protocol. There should be zero gray area. If I say you're specimen is unacceptable, it's unacceptable. There is no, "I want to speak with you're manager" bullshit. Written procedures back me up, as opposed to a manager's discretion. If I put my name on a result, I have the right to accept or refuse anything based on my own discretion and established protocol.

As much as I'd like to empathize with ER nurse, I have a hard time. Many times, the people who make my life difficult are the nurses, mostly because I rarely, if ever have to actually deal with a patient unless it's over the phone, in which case I'll just hang up. Sometimes nurses feel entitled to results, right now. It just can't happen, we have an established pecking order, just because you or the doctor you're calling for want the results before you go to lunch, doesn't mean it's going to happen. They're also the one's who want to call and bitch me out when I say I can't or won't take a specimen because it's hemolyzed or incorrectly labeled. The only thing calling down and bitching accomplishes is it pisses me off and takes time away from me completing your test. You're really only hurting your patient.

Monday, October 8, 2007

What not to say to women part deux

There are times that I've been incredibly lucky with women and incredibly un-lucky with women. The following story is a pretty good illustration of both times. It's amazing how, what you thought was a sure thing could slip through your fingers so quickly.

I was stationed at Ft. Bliss in El Paso and was in the middle of a joint project with a local blood bank. They were helping us with a study we were doing concerning filtering blood and platelet concentrates. I was the point of contact for the Army for this project so I was there practically every day. On my first trip over there I met their point of contact. Her name was Vanessa and she was everything I thought a woman should be. Super model good looks, plenty of brains and she liked my geeky profession. Before we go on, I can't just let you think this was just some hot girl, She was by far the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on.

A week passed by and I was officially in lust. I couldn't stop telling all the guys I worked with just how damned hot she was. The trips to the blood bank started with me but quickly became two, three, four, until we were an entire convoy of men dropping of one unit of blood, just to see Vanessa. Needless to say, she made our work lives a little less productive.

I was busy with something else one day and asked another soldier if he'd run the blood over that day. He happily obliged. While he was there, he did something I thought I'd never forgive him for.

He came back to the donor center beaming with pride. He obviously thought he'd just done me a huge favor. He decided to pretend we were all back in high school. He gave my number to one of Vanessa's co-workers. I really don't know why he decided to do this. Basically my value dropped ten-fold. Suddenly, I was a loser, so afraid to talk to women, I needed a friend to pass my number through one of her friends. It's the old, I have a friend who has a friend who really likes you business. I might as well have kicked her in the shins on the playground.

After some thought, I decided I could do two things, pretend it never happened and hope she actually calls, or I can man up and apologize for my loser friends.

The next day I went over and apologized. She agreed that the stunt was a little lame, and thought I was pretty immature. We had a little laugh about it and I started to walk away. I got about halfway down the hall and she called out to me to wait up. She said "Are you kidding me?" confused I asked her what she meant, she replied "After all this you're really not going to ask for my number?" Me; Ummmmm....
She saved me and said "Well, do you want it?" holding out a piece of paper. Of course I accepted the piece of paper. I smiled trying to contain my excitement. I said I'll see you tomorrow and walked out. I'm proud I was able to walk away without looking like a retard because I was so giddy.

At this point I'm thinking, I'm so in, she obviously wants me. This is my example of how incredibly lucky I am with women. I am/was a reasonably attractive guy but she was way out of my league and whe was practically begging me to take her number.

That night I broke the unwritten rule that you should never call the same day. I was leaving for Arizona in the morning for about a week and I wanted to make sure I got to go out with her before that. I give her a call and she says she's free, She even sounds excited about going out with me. I tell her to meet me at the Mesa street bar and grill I get there before she does. I'm only waiting a few minutes, My jaw drops as I see her step out of her Dodge Ram with a 6 inch lift. I don't know why chicks in big trucks are hot, but they are. She's wearing this little black dress that fits her form perfectly, leaving just enough to the imagination. She did a quick twirl and asked "You like?" I didn't say anything but there were a few dirty thoughts going through my head.

We go inside and are seated quickly. While we're waiting for our food I notice every guy in the place glancing over at her. It's so nice to know you're with the hottest girl in the room. Things were going perfectly, she was giving off a great vibe, she was twirling her hair and nervously playing with her straw. I was sure I was in. I started making a little small talk. This is the conversation I regret to this day.

Me: "I know this sounds a little weird but it's nice to finally go out with a hot white girl in El Paso. The Hispanic girls just don't seem to like me."

Her: "You realize that my last name is Gonzalez, right?"

At this point my heart sunk. All of her expressions changed. She gave me eyes that let me know I wasn't going getting any from her... ever. I kinda quit listening after this point but she went on to chastise me for something. and explain that Mexicans in the southern part of Mexico have blonde hair and blue eyes, like her, and that they take more after their spanish decent rather than the native Mexican. My shot to hook up with this amazing girl went right out the window because of one stupid statement. I think this pretty well illustrates how un-lucky I can be with women as well. Just as a point of reference don't ever bring up race, in any way on a date.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Work and pickup basketball

In a game of pickup basketball players there are some players you just want to avoid checking at all costs. We have the sweat hog, the big fat sweaty guy who always seems to be "skins", The dirty old man, The guy with all the tricks like kneeing you in the thigh as you blow past, The marathon runner, you'll be running up and down the court all day trying to keep up with this rabbit, and the worst of all, The guy who tries too hard. You know, the guy who's hustling way too much, recklessly throwing his body around for some mythical pickup basketball championship of the world. Lately my hospital has become this guy.

At first this guy seems like a guy you want on your team, you admire his hustle and enthusiasm until you realize how useless this hustle and enthusiasm is with a lack of talent. My hospital is like this guy. They seemingly trying so hard to make a positive work environment. In reality, all they're doing is creating new, even dumber surveys and trying to find solutions to unimportant problems.

I wrote about the last survey I did, being sure to include how stupid the questions and how poorly we scored in certain areas. I'd like to expand on that a little. We just got back letters about how they'd like to improve these "problems".

1. I have a best friend at work

Solution: From now on, we'll all make an effort to to celebrate each other's birthday, and to celebrate it outside of work. As many co-workers as possible will make an attempt to attend these celebrations.

This is practically a direct quote. I just can't understand, with all the problems hospitals face that this is genuinely a concern that needs any time spent on it at all.

2. In the last seven days I have received recognition or praise for doing good work.

Solution: Administrators will make more of an effort to verbalize a "good job". Lunch passes will be handed out for doing a good job, error free weeks.

Are you shitting me? Am i in 3rd grade again? Am i the only person who recognizes this as a waste of time for administrators to take time out of their busy days to tell me "good job"? The only praise I need is my pay check every two weeks. Secondly, can they really expect to bribe me with food. Is this like a teacher giving a student a piece of candy for getting an answer right in math class.

I think all this crap was was initially a good thing, just like the hustle of a no talent jack-hole who plays pick-up basketball. It's all turned out to be annoying so much so that you're ready to crack the guy's jaw because that last flailing elbow just hit you right in the solar plexis.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Continuity of back woods thoughts.

Anyone who knows me or even reads my blog knows that I'm not exactly a sensitive guy. It's just not me. I have no problem with attacking someone's deficiencies but I think it's wrong to group an entire race, creed, or anything else. Anytime I give someone shit or attack them it's purely for behavioral or work ethic deficiencies.

PTBG girl decided to use the term "Indian giver" several times last night and when I tried to correct her, she just didn't get why it could possibly be bad. Here's why; you're associating negative connotations with an entire group of people, Native americans, Indians, or whatever we're calling them these days for the sake of political correctness.

I tried to compare "indian giver" with "nigger rigged" to make my point. She just didn't seem to get it. It doesn't matter what race you're associating with negative ideas, it's still wrong. "It's not even close to the same thing" says PTBG. It's exactly the same thing. Just like V over at violent acres points out, while I may not be offended by any of the terms myself I'm still able to recognize that's they're unprofessional at work. The things you do, and the shit you teach your children at home are you're own business. Just don't bring that crap to work.

I think the part that really pisses me off, is that any time I visit friends in large cities there's a thought that I'm "back woods" with stupid ass ideas about race and they way the world works. Because of idiots like PTBG anyone born in a small town in missouri is going to be considered a back woods hill-billy. I'm well educated and professional. I'm tired of having to deal with small town back woods idiots that think it's okay to say things like "indian giver" or "nigger rigged" or "porch monkey".

It's time to move back to the big city. Except this time I have a little ball and chain keeping me from moving how and when I want. Damned kids, That little shit better realize how lucky he is that I love him so much. .

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Gallup pole

For those of you in the medical field you know what these gallup poles are. For the rest of you, it's basically just a survey about how you feel about your work environment. It's pretty damned cheesy and a waste of time.

I thought I'd give you a couple of examples of the questions that were asked most of which were areas we performed poorly in.

1. I have a best friend at work

This has to be a joke. What's weird is that my particular area scored well below the hospital's average for this question. I guess we really do hate each other. The last time I checked you're at work to work not to make "best friends". While I understand the value of being cordial it's stupid to think you'd have a "best friend at work

Our average 3.29 out of 5
Hospital average 3.92 out of five

2. In the last seven days I have received recognition or praise for doing good work.

Again we're at work to work not to coddle each other. Jesus fucking Christ, if you need a pat on the back every time you take a shit find a new line of work, you work at a hospital where one mistake can and will get you fired. Just be glad you still have a job.

Our average 2.79
Hospital average 3.75

3. My supervisor or someone at work seems to care about me as a person.

The last time I checked it wasn't my supervisor's job to make sure I'm cared about. My supervisors do a good job of making sure I have the shit I need to do my job and they always have my schedule out weeks in advance what more can you ask for. I don't care about them as a person. Why should they care about me.

4. At work my opinions seem to count.

Why the fuck does everyone need so much coddling? The last time I checked there were people who were paid to think, and people who were paid to "DO". Leave it at that. Quit thinking you're more important than you are. You're not gonna cure AIDS so shut the fuck up.

Our average 3.07
Hospital Average 3.68

I'm sick and fucking tired of being told I have to be sensitive and care about people's feelings at work. If you do good work I won't chastise you. If you're lazy stupid or slow. I'm going to give you so much shit you'll want to kill yourself.

One last side rant:
Don't ever tell me how to raise my kid. I had my 7 month old come visit me for lunch. I came back with a banana stain on my scrubs because I was holding him and feeding him. Piddler decides to give me a lecture about how gross it was and that she thought my little boy would catch something. Guess what bitch, it helps him to build immunities. The last time I checked I didn't have a little pimply faced allergic to everything in the world little ass wipe of a kid. Don't give me advice about how I take care of my child when you haven't won any mother of the year awards. Need I remind you, you're the same stupid bitch who came to work for a party on your day off with your kids and basically let them run free in the lab and asked someone to watch them while you ran to get some ice? Now that's bad parenting, not feeding my kid with my scrubs on.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

new findings

In my constant quest for entertainment I've found a new blog that I'm in love with. I can't describe why but it's the first time in a long time I've gone through all the archives of a blog and read them all in one night the new blog is karlababble.com there's a link on my blog roll... enjoy

Monday, September 24, 2007

I'm no better

I finally have to admit that I'm no better than my co-workers, the people I complain about day in and day out. I wish you understood how hard that was to write. I've seriously contemplated not writing this, as there are a few people that I work with that read my blog.

I was in a hurry about a week ago processing specimins, not being as careful as I know I need to be. One of my co-workers put about ten specimin in my area so that I could process them to be sent off. Nine of them were for a little boy with the last name of Jones. The other was for a little boy named James. Alot of tests have the same specimin requriments so I was hastily pouring off serum and plasma into the appropriate tubes to be sent off when I realized that I had the requisitions and blood for two different patients

I'd like to say for sure that I know I sent the right blood with the right patient. But I don't know for sure. The appropriate course of action in the case would have been to fess up and deal with the Dr. or nurse after telling him I may have screwed up. Instead I said nothing. I don't know why. This is probably the only time in my life I've not done the ethical thing.

My best hope now is that both of these specimin either come up positive or negative, preferrably negative. If one is pos and the other is neg I'll probably have to come clean and lose my job. I don't think I could live with myself if a little boy was misdiagnosed because of something I did. What if the little boy with celiac disease goes untreated becuase I screwed up. What if the other has to take unneccesary medication because of me. Please oh please let both results be negative

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Why it's hard to get anything done

I get this memo from the lab director yesterday and I'm still not sure what to think of it. The gist of it is that in sept of 08 they want to standardize the color of scrubs in each department. In and of itself it doesn't seem too ridiculous but the way it's being handled and the reasons for change are a little silly

Let me give you a little background information the reason we need to standardize our scrubs is that, suppossedly, patients have been complaining that they can't distinguish the professional staff from the houskeepers or maintinence. I don't buy that for a second.

Point A Houskeepers wear maroon scrubs while the professional staff can wear any colored scrub they'd like

Point B the maintaince staff wears civilian clothing

Point c we're required to wear our name badges at all times if you can't read my namebadge natural selection should be allowed to take over and you don't deserve care (just a joke, sorta)

While changing the color of your scrubs isn't really a big deal it just doesn't seem fair that I should have to buy all new uniforms for work When the hospital is the one mandating that I need new ones. The army mandateded that I needed new uniforms so they gave me a clothing allowance the same should be true for any job. If we have enough money to start a 500 million dollar construction project we have enough money to provide scrubs.

The money isn't my only issue, we've actually been told not to go purchase new scrubs. The reason? Administration will mandate the color for the nursing staff first then department heads can select any other colors. If you remember they don't plan to initiate this for another entire year. It's going to take them a year to decide wheter the nurses should wear light blue or Navy blue. I'm not joking, I'm not exaggerating, I'm not leaving out precious details. I'm 100% serious that it is going to take a year to decide What color the nurses should wear. I don't remember signing up to work for the federal goverment again. It looks like they're taking their business model. I guess it's always nice to know you work for a well oiled machine

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Why I hate working with women

I want, more than anything, to be able to tell you I'm not sexist. In reality it's just not true. I have a problem with female authority. I also have a problem working effectively with women. This isn't a decision I've made, it's just kind of happened. Every conflict I've ever had at work have been with women. From the Army until the present. Every female I worked with or for in the Army seemed to be extra bitchy as if they had something to prove. Every female I've worked with in the civilian seems to be extra sensitive. I haven't figured out which I think is more annoying. I'm not trying to come off as though I hate women because it's not true. I like to date strong intellegent women. I just can't seem to work with them.

I bring this is up because last night was a perfect demonstration in why I can't work with women. We had a female specimin courier come into the lab and the first thing she said was I need to speak to the boss. That in and of it's self pissed me off. I thought to myself "Who the fuck are you". Her problem ended up being pretty trivial but since she wanted to talk to the boss, by God I was going to let her. I guess I should remind you that it's been about three months now and I still don't have a direct supervisor so all the problems we have on our shift go to another department's shift supervisor. Brilliant I know. This shift supervisor also happens to be a woman but had no idea how to solve this problem. Naturally both of them are both freaked out. you wanna know what about? A specimin got sent to us from another hospital on the wrong requisition. Here's a thought. I bet that hospital doesn't have our specific requisition because it's a different hospital.

I guess the part that really pissed me off is that the shift supervisor refused to accept the fact that she didn't know what she was doing, that three other women from my department have zero problem solving skills and that this courier made a huge problem out of something that wasn't a big deal. If she had just done her job and left the specimin the way it was, everything would have been fine. One of the women in my department would have come to me and asked if I knew what to do with it and I would have told them how to solve the problem in about three seconds. Instead there were five women standing around doing absoloutley nothing. Freaking out about something simple. making about 30 phone calls. I still don't know what they were trying to figure out. They were seriously standing around for 20 minutes.

My sexist half comes out in situations like this. Men are not indecisive. I understand that sometimes that can be a fault but in most situations I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it's a asset. I have a pretty old school work ethic. I think you're stealing from a company if you're standing around doing nothing. I think you need to do, not plan unless your job is to be a planner, I gaurentee no one I work with would ever be hired to be a planner. I hate being at work thinking I'm constantly cleaning up other people's messes. I admit if I knew what to do with this problem I should have stepped in said something. I just had to let it play out. Otherwise what would I have to write about? Have I mentioned how much I hate my job?

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

What not to say to women

I've had my ups and downs with women. While I was in the army I was hot. I'm not being conceited but I was ripped and I basically could have any girl I wanted. Well at least that's what I thought.

I think the fondest memories I have in my entire life are probably the time I spent in D.C. doing my clinicals at Walter Reed. Everything seemed to go exactly as planned. I was happy and healthy and always entertained. I met a girl her name was heather. We had the perfect relationship. We basically spent the entire weekend together, never saw one another during the week and always had a good time. What made it even more perfect was that neither of us wanted to label the relationship. We were in sort of a limbo. I could date other people freely, as could she, but we were always a priority for one another. Everything was perfect. Until one day.

*I'd like to donate the following conversation to VH1's "The pickup artist" as something you shouldn't say.

Her: Hey I wanna talk, got a minute?

ME: Sure What's up?

Her: I've been thinking alot lately and I feel the need to tell you something.
I think I love you
Me: That's nice. I really like you. I bet we feel the same way about one another but I think I just hold the word love in higher esteem than you. I really care alot about you but I can't say I love you.

Her: silence... Ummm I meant I loved you as a friend.

The damage that I did here was two fold. First I told her I didn't care about her as much as she seemed to care about me. Which after alot of thought ended up being a bold faced lie on my part. I probably did love her. I just loved my freedom alot more. I got greedy thinking I could have any girl I wanted. The second Jab came by me basically telling her she didn't know her own emotions how can I quantify her feelings? Basically what I said was stupid. I wish I could take it back but I can't. I hurt someone I really did care about just so I could look cool and keep dating other people when in reality I didn't want to date anyone else. Nothing would have changed we already had a great physical and emotional connection. Oh well what can ya do.

We made a vain attempt at a friendship but it didn't last long. I made one last failed attempt to make it right but in doing so I just made it more clear what an ass I was. She was scheduled to go out with another guy that weekend but cancelled for me. He was a good guy who really deserved a good girl like her and vice versa not an asshole like me. I scheduled a trip to mount vernon in D.C. and then dinner and theatre tickets. The dinner ended up being a little more romantic than I had anticipated. All I could do is keep reminding her that we're just here as friends, and say I'm sorry everything about everything I didn't mean to make it look like I was trying to win your affection back. When in reality that all either of us wanted.

I want to be your hero

I pretty much have the worst hero complex in history. If you don't know what that is, it's basically wishing harm on others so that you have an opportunity to be a "hero". yeah it's fucked up, I know. I don't know how to explain it and I really don't know where it stems from

I was in Iraq and I thought surely I'd have an opportunity to fulfill these messed up fantasies, but no. I was stationed at a hospital as a lab tech. Absolutely no opportunity to be a hero. I did my part though, I went on medevacs as the medic just to have an opportunity to be a hero. Mind you I was grossly under-qualified to be doing this. It didn't matter to me though, I didn't care if someone would be hurt because I wasn't up to par on my life saving skills. After-all all the command really cared about was having a warm body there to say they sent someone in the unfortunate case one of my fellow soldiers would die. I did my fair share of breaking ribs during CPR, but I can't say I was responsible for actually saving anyone's life.

I don't want people to think I'm too twisted, I don't ever wish harm upon the people I love for these opportunites, but I do sometimes wish I could pass a horrific car accident and save everyone involved. I want to drag people out of a burning car or building. I want to be in the newspaper with a big headline. I want everyone to say how brave and wonderful I am. I want everyone to shower praise on me. No way I'm being an anonymous hero. What's the point in having a hero complex if people don't know how great you were.

before people get all judgmental about it, don't pretend you haven't had some delusions of grandeur. Don't pretend you haven't said I want to be famous and loved by everyone. you know you have. The only difference is you want to be famous for acting or singing or for most people with blogs, writing and I want to be famous for being a hero. An all american man who braved the dangers of every situation to ensure other people were safe. When I say it like that it doesn't sound so crazy. Maybe that's how I should it to my non-existant therapist.

I think this complex may be why I always stop to help stranded old ladies. It's the same reason I'm always looking to help people in any way I can. I guess that means it's not all bad, right? If I complex leads you to do something good for other people is it really a complex. I'm not mentally ill right?

Thursday, September 13, 2007


Are hot girls the only one's to get raped? I know this seems like an odd question but it's something that ran through my mind last night. I realize that the "experts" say rape is an exercise in power and rarely has anything to do with sex, but honestly, If I were to rape a girl I think I'd want her to be hot. Why ruine my exercise in power by raping an ugly girl.

This thought came to me after a conversation I had at work.

Piddler: "T and I Are going to the mental ward to pick up a urine specimin."

Me: "Since when does it take two people to walk over there? do you need to hold each other's hand?"

Piddler: "We can't go out by ourselves since someone got jumped in the parking lot last year, there was a work memo"

Me: "That's what the tunnel is for" side note; the building they were going to was less than 100 yards away from the main hospital

Piddler: "That takes too long"

At this point in the conversation I gave up on trying to rationalize. But if I were to have made points this is what they'd be

1. The building is 100 yards away in a lit parking lot
2. If you feel uncomfortable going out by yourself after dark we have an locked underground tunnel system
3. Neither of you are worth raping.

I know that last one seems a bit harsh, maybe I can clarify a bit. I guess what I mean is if I were to abduct and rape someone is sure as hell better be worth my time. Neither of these women are what you'd call ugly but they're sure as hell not what you'd call hot either. Definitely not worth going to jail for an extended period of time.

I guess I've kinda gotten away from the original question though. Are hot girls the only one's that get raped? Are all rapists mental cases that attack with seemingly no rhyme or reason? or do they think it out enough to say; Hey if I'm going to jail she'd better be hot?

I think I'm just sick and tired of working with women it's so damned frustrating. Also I miss the army. There is none of this male-female bullshit. A soldier is a soldier is a soldier they all get the same shit details and they all do tasks just becasue they've been told to do so.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

A remix

this is one of my earliest posts that I don't think enough people got to read so I'm reposting it. It's my view on racism

This has pissed me off for a long while. The world is entirely too sensitive. While I understand that there are real issues with racism in the world and that some people honestly have been oppressed, ya know what?... The worst of it was 200 years ago. GET OVER IT! I don't mean to sound insensitive, but I'm tired of not being able to be critical of anyone of a different skin color. Just because I'm a white male I'm evidently incapable of of disliking someone because of anything other than race, sex or anything else that may make you a minority. here's a thought maybe I don't like you because your annoying or your personality disgusts me. I'm tired of having to be overly sensitive because of crap I had nothing to do with. I definitely believe that you're a product of your environment and that poverty has more to do with "disadvantages" that most minorities claim to have. Well guess what, I didn't have it any better. everything I have (which isn't much) I worked for. I served my country and didn't get the benefit of scholarships because of the color of my skin or my gender or anything else that I couldn't control. This little rant has been because of something that happened at work. There is an asian chick at work who is pretty much the most annoying person I've ever met.I won't go into any details but basically we had an issue with miscommunication. This reminds me of one more tangent I have to go off on. If you can't communicate effectively in the language of the area you live in... don't take a job where it's of the utmost importance that people understand exactly what you're saying. Alright back to the story. So this lady and I have this conversation

her: so you mean "this"

me: no I mean exactly what I said

her: so you mean "this"

me: NO! I mean exactly what I said

this went on for about five minutes when i was super busy. basically I ended it by saying What the fuck is your problem. She's one of those people who want to be right about something dumb just for the sake of being right. The whole situation is obviously my fault. here's a thought if someone knows English better than you, He probably knows exactly what the fuck he just said.. Ala me in this situation... The next day I was in my bosses' office being written up for "not respecting the cultural differences of other people" It kinda pisses me off I don't hate her because she's a woman or asian, I hate her because she annoys the shit out of me, constantly mixes viatnamese with her english, and generally doesn't communicate effectively... Please world... understand I don't hate you because of differences you can't control I hate you because you annoy the piss out of me.. and you CAN control that!

Monday, September 10, 2007

A few observations

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, for the few who care. Things have been kinda rough at home for me. The girlfriend and I haven't been seeing eye to eye on many things and everything seems like it's ready to be a fight at any moment. Have you ever felt like you give everything of yourself and there's nothing really left to give? I feel like that all the time. At least I have my little boy to cheer me up.

Anyway, enough of that pouty boo-hoo crap. As I'm sure you've all heard, a McDonald's employee in GA has been arrested, basically for making a cop's burger too salty. If you haven't heard this you need to spread this story. Copy and paste this link since I'm still too dumb to figure out how to embed links.


Have you read it. Okay, Good. Can you say WTF? Can we all collectively say abuse of power? This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. It's fucking SALT people. There are probably 10 cases in the last century of hypernatremia (too much salt in your system) causing any serious ill effects in people. There is no way in hell That if you ate an entire salt block anything would even happen to you. It's just some cop thinking they're Too important, that how dare you try to poison him with salt. I really can't even collect a decent thought for this. I just don't get how his supervisors and a judge could ever think that it would be okay to jail a 20 year old woman (who's life is obviously not on track if she's working at McDonald's) for making a hamburger that was too salty.

Believe it or not I buy her story that she just spilled salt or whatever seasonings they use on the meat and served it anyway. Alot of us at some point have worked in a restaurant whether it be five star or McDonald's, managers will do anything and everything to lower food costs and salvage any scrap of food they can. It's not her fault it's McDonald's fault for putting her in that situation. Oh and the Petty narcissistic police officer.

Topic number two; Have I ever mentioned how much I hate my job, NO? you must not have read much of my blog. I've come to terms with the fact that I work with lazy old women that I have nothing in common with, and who are waaaayyyy too secure in their jobs. What I can't handle is being given two days off for the birth of my child and being denied a third day, When ptbg is allowed to take a week for a cruise while we are three people short and another co worker is about to leave to have surgery which will put her out of commission for about six weeks. Maybe I'm just not as good or valued as I thought I was. I'm disgusted by the fact that my bosses have no spine when they talk to minorities or women, I don't know what they're afraid of. The last time I checked you're not entitled to vacations, unless you'd like them to be permanent. Do I just have a view of the world that is too idealistic? Do I honestly believe life is fair? Who knows, but please please please let Karma exist. One more thing God, Could you please find two competent people to replace me so I can move to another department where I get to work by myself. (That would be the microbiology department in my lab). I was granted a transfer but they've been dragging their feet. They haven't even hired anyone and I don't get to leave until two people have been hired they're fully trained. Turns out they've finally realized I do the work of two people around here, well not really, they'd just rather have two part timers than one full timer.

One more thing. I had a buddy tell me that he got pulled over for speeding on a bicycle the other day. How the hell does this happen. Is he bullshitting me or can this really happen. he said he got caught for doing 25 in a 15 can a bike even go that fast? One more example of how our men in blue are keeping us safe. Way to use your better judgement guys.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

My Jerry Springer day

We've all had one of those days, you know, You're life feels like a cartoon, well unfortunately my life feels this way all the time. We've also all had a "Jerry Springer" day. Don't pretend don't know what I'm talking about. You've had a day where there is some weird, loud, and totally inappropriate for public event in your life.

My Springer day came while I was in San Antonio in AIT for the Army. I was a good looking kid, I mean ripped like a wrestler and big like a football player with All american good looks. You've seen a soldier they all pretty much look alike. Along with these good looks I was cocky I thought I could have any girl I wanted and at any time. For the most part, this was true.

Army girls were a little too easy so i liked to mostly only dabble in the locals. There was this girl, her name was K and she was a tall blonde haired blue eyed bombshell. She played me like a fiddle. Looking back on it it was all kind of silly but I was so pissed off at the time. We hooked up a few times but she really wanted nothing to do with me. She invited me and another guy to a club (yeah I was a douche that went to clubs). I didn't know she had invited the other guy and she kinda publicly blew me off for this guy. That's not really the story though, I'm spending too much time on K.

The real story starts with her friend J she was hot, half irish half native american and curvier than sports car test track. I got blown off by K so The only logical thing my stupid little 19 year old mind could think to do was fuck her friend and roommate. Technically I went home with K that night. I fucked her roommate six ways from tuesday. I made sure K could hear it all.

I found out later that J was a good catholic girl. She had gone to private all girl schools all of her life, and of course I had taken her virginity. It was kind of sad that she had to lose her virginity to an asshole that was just using her to piss off another girl. J was kinda cool but a little too naive for me. I was sure this was going to be a one and done thing. She had different ideas. I guess she thought we were now dating, unbenounced to me. We hung out a couple of times in the coming weeks but I didn't really care about her at all. She was just a little creepy.

I blew her off the following weekend. I told her I was going to just stay in and try to get some studying done. In my defense I did plan on studying. It just didn't happen. I ended up going to my buddy Chad's house to study that weekend. Nothing happened that weekend that resembles studying. Within about Ten minutes we had broken open a bottle of VOX and had a few martinis. his wife's little sister was in town and we had a good time that weekend. That's a story I'll tell you tomorrow.

Sunday we decided to stumble out of the house in our drunken haze and go out to the river walk for lunch. We ended up at some steak joint. On our way back through the mall I see J coming down the escalator. She sprinted down the escalator in a time that very well may have been a world record. My buddy chad's wife was standing next to me. She proceeds to lay into me and Chad's wife Kristina thinking we were together. Kristina was a super nice girl but she wasn't going to put up with some ignorant bullshit. I swear to you, this girl was screaming obscenities at the top of her lungs in the middle of the mall She just kept yelling "you fucking liar." Eventually I get her calmed down and just keep assuring her we'll talk about it later and we don't need to make a scene. She decided to shoot an evil look at kristina once again. This was her last straw. All I heard was "fuck you bitch." and then a cartoon ball of hair and claws. There were at least 5 large adult male soldiers there and it took us at least 10 minutes to break up this fight. Kristina beat the shit out of this girl. She made her Ugly.

We got out of that mall as fast as humanly possible. On the way home I was trying to talk to kristiana's little sister kat, who I had hooked up with the night before. She refused to say a word to me. I assumed she was pissed about the way I had treated that girl, Wrong. She was pissed I didn't just tell J off and tell her I was There with her. What the fuck. you just can't win with women. You're an asshole, and chicks think they're on springer in the middle of a mall. You're nice, and they just blow you off. I don't get it. I was actually kinda excited about Kat. I knew she lived in D.C. and that I was moving there in a month or so. She was really cool. Her being a bitch about it all kinda turned me on. She was pissed I didn't just tell another girl to fuck off for her. I liked this. It didn't work out, obviously, at least I got to hook up with her at a wedding a year or so later.

I guess I should have been more careful about who I put my penis inside