Monday, January 28, 2008

Heaven's hotties

My buddy Dave is 40 and single. Recently a few friends suggested he should try meeting a nice girl in church. I think it's a good idea. Who doesn't love a sweet innocent church girl.

This got me to thinking. We researched all of the churches within a mile from his house. What we really wanted to know was how many attractive young ladies attended that church. I could find no such information. So POW! an idea hit like a ton of bricks. a site to rate local churches based on the percentage of attractive young women at each service.

I haven't really hashed out any details. That's where you, my faithful readers come in. I need ideas. How do I compile this information without doing all the legwork myself? I also envision a wikipedia esque format that will allow users who attend those churches to update information at their own church. Any ideas would be great.

Ideally, I could use this site to collect information from all my readers, unfortunately not enough people read my site. That's where you come in. If any of you have bigger blogs with more readers please let people know about what I'm trying to do. I can accumulate stats one reader/church at a time.

I could really see this thing getting huge and extending to schools, and neighborhoods and towns. I just need a little help collecting data. Either send this post to people, link to it, or give me some stats about you're own church. Go ahead fill up the mailbox

Think Trip Adviser for churches, with a little sex thrown in for spice

The retarded policeman

I know this video has been running around he internet for awhile now, and honestly I don't know how I missed it, but I thought you all needed to share in m love of the retarded policeman. Also, my work has recently banned almost anything entertaining. I can't even watch streaming videos. What this means, is that my blog may become a little less about my personal life and more about stuff to entertain me and others at work. Enjoy the retarded policeman.

And for those of you who think it's wrong to "exploit" people with downs syndrome, watch this.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

I've just added a new "Boss" button to the page in the upper right hand corner. If you enjoy my blog at work; all you have to do is click the button and it will take you to a "safe screen". Sure hope it works.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The Plaxico Burress of the midwest

Those of you who watched the Giants-Packers game last Sunday will understand what I'm saying a little better than those of you who did not. If you really watched that game you know that Plaxico Burress was the best player on the field that day. Every time New York needed a big 3rd down reception or Eli Manning looked like he was confused, the ball was thrown up to Burress. He is the reason the Giants are going to the Super Bowl.

You may be asking yourself why I'm pointing this out. I'm not a Giants fan, and I'm not even really a fan of Burress. I can, however, relate to him. Sometimes, I feel like I'm the Plaxico Burress of my little world. I'm the Go-to-guy, and I don't know that I want to be anymore. At work, home and even my social circle I seem to be the guy who gets stuff done.

During most of my life I've wanted to stand out. I've wanted people to notice. I'm good at anything I've ever wanted to be good at. Normally this sounds pretty appealing, just not to me. I'm at a point in my life where all I really want is to blend into the crowd. I want to do my eight hours of work, without any extra responsibility. I don't want to feel hurried and overwhelmed because everything seems to get dumped on me one way or the other. I want to be that guy in the cubicle that seemingly has no name. He comes to work on time, finishes his eight hours in peace and walks out the door on time stress free.

At home, I'm basically responsible for everything. I'm the only one bringing in an income, I seem to be the primary care giver to our son and I have to do most of the cooking, and if I want the house to be clean I pretty much have to do it myself. All so the wife can go to school for 24 hours a week at a community college. I just feel as though if I didn't try to do so much, maybe no one would ask anything of me.

I'm tired of being a standout. I want to be another face in the crowd, living my day to day life stress free without having to deal with everyone else's problems. Lord knows I have enough of my own. Do you know how screwed up someone has to be to want to go from being the man (without being paid like the man) to being just another guy? I don't know maybe I have multiple personalities, I sure do write as if I do. I can't seem to make up my mind about who I am. or what I want or what I should be.

Plaxico Burress probably doesn't worry about any of these things. He's paid millions of dollars to play a game I'm sure he loves and most dominant athletes are a type A, go-to-guy personality type. But I wonder if he ever feels like he's carrying the team, does he wonder what the hell would these people do without me there to catch that impossible one handed, tip toeing the sideline, sailing out of bounds pass. What would it feel like to take a game off? unfortunately I don't get to take a game off, or even a play for that matter, but I sure do wish I could.

Monday, January 21, 2008

What I really think Of MLK day

I hate that I always have to preface my posts. I always come off like an immoral jerk, or just a hateful bastard. Nonetheless, I'll do it again. I want everyone to know I support equality, but not having a day reserved to remember one man. I don't have any personal problems with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. but I do want everyone to know what I think of the day set aside to remember him.

I'll start off with the question that I think of most frequently when I think about MLK. What exactly did he do that was so extraordinary? He was a powerful and eloquent speaker and led freedom marches. Other than that, I don't know what I can say about the man. He believed he was being treated as less than an equal in his community. He stood up for the belief that equality was a intrinsic right. I agree, I believe that all human beings should be treated equally. I also believe I'd stand up for my own rights in much the same way. I don't think it was an incredible feat to bring media attention to the fact he felt he and the rest of the black community were being treated unfairly. I know I would have, and still would, say something if I felt my rights were being violated, I think you would as well.

Alot of pundits like to bring up several moral and ethical indiscretions he may have committed. The indiscretions include adultery, plagiarism, and communist involvement. As much I'd like to be able to say those things don't matter, I have to take a realistic view of the world. When history looks back on my life, will it only remember the good things, or will the world remember all of my faults? I know my faults will be remembered, so why are we so quick to forget his? I can't, simply because mine won't be forgotten. I realize that everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone has a federal holiday to remember their lives. I just don't think we should look through rose colored glasses.

Many people will label me a racist because MLK is seen almost as a demi-God in this country. Nothing can be said in a critical light. To me it's as if the federal government feels as though it needs to appease the black community in some way. I believe that we should have a day that reminds us of the fact that all men are created equally, I just don't believe it should be named after MLK, that it should be something almost exclusively black, or that is should be something done to simply appease a demographic. It should be a true celebration of all Sexes, creeds, races, sexual orientations, or anything else that makes anyone a "minority". We should be remembering that our ancestors didn't have it as easy as we do and that The fight for true equality is NEVER over.

I really just want people to take a step back and really examine the world for a second. Too much is made of the differences between races, when in fact we need to remember all the similarities. We need to remember the struggles of every race and generation. We shouldn't single out a day or a month to remember something exclusively as black history, or black civil rights. We need to remind ourselves each day of everything our ancestors accomplished, and not take that for granted.

For all of you white power jackasses that thought this was going to be an anti black post; Fuck you, and to all the black power jackasses; I wish to lend you the same phrase Fuck you. Just remember that life is a struggle for everyone. Do some research and ask yourself is MLK really worthy of his own federal holiday? Is this a man that did anything I wouldn't have done for my own civil rights? If you come to the conclusion that he does, fine. Just think of how many more bullshit holiday's we really should be recognizing too.

While I don't want to tarnish the legacy of what MLK has been made into, I still feel as though he's overly praised. I also think the "Idea" of MLK is far greater than the man himself. Maybe we need the "Idea" of a civil rights leader more than we need to celebrate the man himself.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Using religion to your advantage.

I want to preface this with the fact that I'm a much nicer person now, than I used to be. My wife, and alot of my friends have a hard time understanding what a dick I used to be. At work, people can see glimpses, I don't like things to awry. For the most part, I'm a big softy. Having a little boy has changed my life. I can't claim to have had any big Epiphany. I just decided to be a different person.

I was living in D.C. and having the time of my life. I didn't make a ton of money but I really only had to pay for my cell phone and dating. I blew money like I had it, and went through women even faster.

I found a little niche in D.C. an untapped reservoir of sexual frustration, Their name; Mormon girls. I've had alot of success with Mormon girls over my lifetime. I think it's because I can act like a nice guy without really being a nice guy. A normal skeptical girl could see through my bullshit, but these Mormon girls were naive. They didn't see game. They still believed in real love, big love. A street smart girl in D.C. would have laughed at my nice guy routine, but they ate it up.

Some small piece of every woman wants to have that one last fling before they get serious about their life. That's something else I had going for me. I was fun, attractive, smart and funny, but not marriage material. I'd be that guy you'd have lots of fun stories about wonderful dates, but in the end you knew you needed to settle down with someone more ambitious. In the case of the Mormon girls, a little more into God.

I met a girl, her name escapes me right now, who was a civilian at the hospital I was doing my clinicals at. She also happened to be a good friend of one of my good friends. It turns out she was Mormon and had a bit of a crush on me. I hung out with her a few times but nothing formal. While I was hanging out with her one night I got a phone call from
Heather and she's wanting to get together. Most people would either tell the other person they were busy or they'd blow the original girl off in some nice way. Not me. I saw the chance to get two girls in one night and went for it.

Things were progressing quickly with the first girl. We were in bed in no time. I wasn't in the mood for "Making love" it was her first time and I'm pretty sure she wanted it to be special. Because this is a family blog I'll leave out all the crude details and tell ya it was a two minute job. I stopped suddenly and told her I felt too bad. I felt like I was taking advantage of her. It just wasn't the right thing to do. I played it off like I hadn't gotten mine, but I did.

I went to see Heather later that night and we had a good time. Not only did I get to spend time with both girls but I got to be the nice guy, the one that respected girls. In the End being completely selfish, getting mine, then leaving turned out great. She told all of her Mormon friends what a nice guy I was and that "respected a girl's boundaries". I ended up being the last fling for at least 20 of the girls in the Chevy chase singles ward in D.C. God really does bless those who use religion to their advantage.