Holiday cocktails

For the most part, The holidays tend to be joyous. Well at least for normal happy people. For me, all they do is create stress. From having to hang out with the in-laws, to being reminded of how poor I am when I go shopping for gifts

Tip: If you maintain purely superficial relationships with people, you don't ever have to actually buy them gifts.

Look at me, Aren't I a regular Martha fucking Stewart. Tell me that's not the best cost saving tip you've heard all year. Think about how much you spend in pointless gifts.

There's alot to hate about the holidays, and I didn't even get into having to clean up all the messes. Why must we be slobs to have a good time? Why do we have to have 10 grand worth of wrapping paper for a pair of socks? Why do we have to find tinsel behind the couch in June? Frankly decorations piss me off. If these thing bother you half as much as they bother me, you might find yourself needing a cocktail to take the edge off. In my case I need the cocktail(s) to get hammered so I forget all the madness. So I've decided to give you guys some of my favorite cocktail recipes.

Before you leave a dumb ass comment like you've already heard of this crap, I'll completely concede that some or all of these drinks are well known. I just decided to make a compilation for your convienece.

Napoleon Dynamite. This actually has several different forms but I'm just going to tell you my favorite. If you don't like it fuck you.

1. Take a can of jellied cranberry sauce and slice it thinly to line the inside of a martini glass (mostly just for looks and effect).

2 Mix 3 oz of Bailey's
1 oz of tequila rose
1 oz creme de cacao
3 Shake on ice and pour into martini glass. It's a little girly but tasty.

Holiday scotch and sour

1 1 1/2 oz of scotch
1 oz cherry brandy
1/2 oz of sweet vermouth
1 oz sweet and sour mix

Shake on ice, strain into an old fashioned glass over ice and add lemon as a garnish

Christmas hangover

1 Crush up half a candy can and add it to the ice in your shaker

2 Mix 4 oz of light rum
5 oz of Sprite
Strain into a high ball glass and garnish with a candy cane. Kinda tastes like a mojito but candier ( is candier a word?)

Brandy Alexander

1 1 1/2 oz of brandy
1 oz creme de cacao
2 oz of egg nog

Shake with ice and strain into a martini glass


Hot Tottie - I know it's simple but who doesn't like it on a cold day

1 Mix 5 oz of hot tea
Honey to taste
Lemon to taste
3 oz of Bacardi 151 or your favorite whiskey


French 75 I hate the frenchie toads.. but I like this drink

1 Mix 1 1/2 oz Gin (I prefer Bombay Sapphire)
2 oz lemon juice
2 tsb of powdered sugar

Shake over ice. Strain into a Red wine glass. Fill the rest of the glass with your favorite champagne. Garnish with a lemon

I'm sure I'll think of more in the coming days but until then tell me what your favorite holiday drinks are. I always need new ways to get hammered to forget my family