Saturday, December 1, 2007

Dr Drew and loveline

I was driving home from work the other day, listening to Love Line on the radio and Dr. drew had some general advice about long distance relationships. Obviously I'm not in a situation where long distance relationships matter to me because I have a Son and a live-in girlfriend. I know I've called her my wife here on the blog before. It's mostly because we as a married couple and I work at a conservative Catholic hospital. Work doesn't need to know I live with a girl I knocked up.

The caller Dr. Drew was talking to was 19 and vaguely mentioned long distance relationships. Dr. Drew didn't give him any advice specific to hie problem. Wfhat he did say, shook me up a little bit. He said that relationships in our teens are meant to dissolve, to date multiple people, and not to take your formative college years for grandted. What I took this was that early teenage relationships are basically practice for your "real" life. You also need your college years to form your personality, you're finally away from your parents and need to develop your personality as an adult.

This worries me because my girlfriend was 19 when she got knocked up and were forced into a relationship more serious than either of us were ready for. It was especially tough because we weren't even dating when all this went down. We were friends who made a mistake. I wish I could blame it on alcohol, but we were both sober. We moved in together because it was the only way I could afford to provide for my little boy. I wasn't making very much money (I'm still not) and can't afford all my own bills and child support. I can, however afford to take care of my son if he was living with me.

My girlfriend didn't get the benefit of these "practice relationships". What happens when she starts to resent me for not being able to have her fun college years. Does she leave me? Does she take my little boy with her? How important is it for teens to have these relationships dissolve. I know it taught me alot about life. It taught me that life is short, but so is my patience. It taught me What my buttons were, and how easily they could be set off. I learned that there's no such thing as a perfect relationship. Most importantly, I learned that no matter how hot any girl is; some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit. What if she hasn't learned these very valuable lessons?

I wonder if there's a way to let her try to live life a little without moving out and telling her to go date other people. Would she still want to be with me? I'm on my second marriage and my priorities have changed. I'll never leave her because she's such a good mom. At some point in time "Good Mom" jumped to number 1 on my list of of qualities I find most appealing in a woman. Fuck, how boring am I.

I guess I expect help from some of my female readers on this. How important were your wild years in college in the formation of your personality and the formation of your priorities in relationships? What's the over/ under on her hating me five years from now for taking away that part of her life. What's the over under on her leaving me?


BottleBlonde said...

She's probably gonna end up hating you in five years or less for no reason at all. Sure, she'll blame it on your excessive farting and constant ball scratching, but don't take it personally. Us women are insane.

The Charming Hedonist said...

It's like a 50/50 shot that she's going to hate you in five years regardless of missing her college years. That's the divorce rate. I should know, I work in divorce.

It does sound like you have some thoughts about your relationship you should look into. And I'm not just saying that because you have an internet crush on me.