Wednesday, December 12, 2007

More Drama... So what's new?

The stupidest fucking thing just happened to me. My wife thinks we have a shit ton more problems than we really do and she also thinks I've cheated on her. I'm the type of guy that wouldn't cheat on anyone. I was cheated on while I was in Iraq, and frankly I don't care enough about anyone or anything to live a lie. I'd leave someone before I'd cheat on them.

All these new accusations stem from an IM conversations I had with a friend from Utah. I'll give you a little backstory. This girl had been dating this guy for about five years and left a stable home life and great job to live with him in California so that he could pursue a teaching/coaching career. I guess Things have turned south. Evidently they're on a break but she's still living in his home. I don't know every detail but it seems a little messed up to me. It sounds like there's another woman in the picture that he wants to feel out but doesn't want to eliminate the possibility of staying with his girlfriend. In other words, She's his fall back girl/plan. I understand the theory well, I've pulled the same asshole stunt many a time.

I started talking this girl through all of her options and none of them frankly sound all that appealing. I also made a pretty vain attempt at making her feel better. I'm sure I'm not the only person who's ever done this, but I exaggerated my own problems to try and make her feel better about the fucked up situation she was in. I wrote that my relationship could fall apart at any moment. I also wrote things about me cheating oh my girlfriend so that I'd sound like a bigger ass than her boyfriend so that she'd be able to reevaluate things a little more clearly. Like I said I know I'm not the only person to ever use this strategy with a friend.

Somehow, someway, she came across the transcript from this IM conversation. Frankly, I'm a little pissed, it's kind of a violation of my privacy, I don't snoop through her messages, I don't care that she keeps in touch with random guys, it doesn't bother me. Maybe I'm just a little more secure. Maybe I feel as though trust is important. All I know is that I'm pissed. I think I have a right to be, maybe I don't, regardless, I'm still pissed.

If I were going to leave, It'd be pretty damned obvious, I don't beat around the bush, I'm not shy, I'm not passive aggressive. I'd just be gone. Do I have a right to be upset? does She? I think the biggest thing that upsets me is; she's passive aggressive, She won't really tell me how she feels, she'll just be a little brat, and do things like wake me up to say "So you've cheated on me at least four times huh?" then sleepily I'll reply "huh?" not remembering the conversation from the previous night. She'll say "You know exactly what I mean." Then she'll walk out the door making a big show of leaving her ring on the nightstand, then come back for it ten minutes later when she has to go somewhere because, of course, she can't be seen in public with a child and no ring.

She's so fucking simple minded sometimes. I think all the problems I exaggerated may have just turned in to real problems. I don't know how much shit I can deal with, I really do love her, and I love my son more than anything in the world, but I'm not a problem solver in relationships, I run away, I find something new. If the issues are more than just superficial problems, I can't deal with them, It's not the way I am programmed, and it's not the way I roll. It's so much easier to just say, sure you're right, have a nice life alone.


Ian Thomas Healy said...

Nope, nothing's ever simple.

Repeat after me:

Edit/Preferences/IM Logging/Turn Off

Trust me on this one - there's absolutely no need to save those conversations because things we say in IM are often things we'd NEVER say in real life. And if you have a wife prone to snooping (I do not believe mine is, but still), better to be safe than sorry.

However, in your case, as in mine, the damage is already done. Good luck, buddy.


Lucky New Life said...

Sorry to hear that. I'm headed to the 'other side' of a marriage and it can be a rough ride - TRUST me. Hopefully this will pass. Later!

BottleBlonde said...

You have every right to feel upset. I would be upset if someone snooped and read my IMs, too.

Most women are insecure (me included) and will do whatever they can to make sure their man doesn't stray. So while your wife's actions were downright wrong, it sounds like she's hurting, too.