Wednesday, August 22, 2007

My Jerry Springer day

We've all had one of those days, you know, You're life feels like a cartoon, well unfortunately my life feels this way all the time. We've also all had a "Jerry Springer" day. Don't pretend don't know what I'm talking about. You've had a day where there is some weird, loud, and totally inappropriate for public event in your life.

My Springer day came while I was in San Antonio in AIT for the Army. I was a good looking kid, I mean ripped like a wrestler and big like a football player with All american good looks. You've seen a soldier they all pretty much look alike. Along with these good looks I was cocky I thought I could have any girl I wanted and at any time. For the most part, this was true.

Army girls were a little too easy so i liked to mostly only dabble in the locals. There was this girl, her name was K and she was a tall blonde haired blue eyed bombshell. She played me like a fiddle. Looking back on it it was all kind of silly but I was so pissed off at the time. We hooked up a few times but she really wanted nothing to do with me. She invited me and another guy to a club (yeah I was a douche that went to clubs). I didn't know she had invited the other guy and she kinda publicly blew me off for this guy. That's not really the story though, I'm spending too much time on K.

The real story starts with her friend J she was hot, half irish half native american and curvier than sports car test track. I got blown off by K so The only logical thing my stupid little 19 year old mind could think to do was fuck her friend and roommate. Technically I went home with K that night. I fucked her roommate six ways from tuesday. I made sure K could hear it all.

I found out later that J was a good catholic girl. She had gone to private all girl schools all of her life, and of course I had taken her virginity. It was kind of sad that she had to lose her virginity to an asshole that was just using her to piss off another girl. J was kinda cool but a little too naive for me. I was sure this was going to be a one and done thing. She had different ideas. I guess she thought we were now dating, unbenounced to me. We hung out a couple of times in the coming weeks but I didn't really care about her at all. She was just a little creepy.

I blew her off the following weekend. I told her I was going to just stay in and try to get some studying done. In my defense I did plan on studying. It just didn't happen. I ended up going to my buddy Chad's house to study that weekend. Nothing happened that weekend that resembles studying. Within about Ten minutes we had broken open a bottle of VOX and had a few martinis. his wife's little sister was in town and we had a good time that weekend. That's a story I'll tell you tomorrow.

Sunday we decided to stumble out of the house in our drunken haze and go out to the river walk for lunch. We ended up at some steak joint. On our way back through the mall I see J coming down the escalator. She sprinted down the escalator in a time that very well may have been a world record. My buddy chad's wife was standing next to me. She proceeds to lay into me and Chad's wife Kristina thinking we were together. Kristina was a super nice girl but she wasn't going to put up with some ignorant bullshit. I swear to you, this girl was screaming obscenities at the top of her lungs in the middle of the mall She just kept yelling "you fucking liar." Eventually I get her calmed down and just keep assuring her we'll talk about it later and we don't need to make a scene. She decided to shoot an evil look at kristina once again. This was her last straw. All I heard was "fuck you bitch." and then a cartoon ball of hair and claws. There were at least 5 large adult male soldiers there and it took us at least 10 minutes to break up this fight. Kristina beat the shit out of this girl. She made her Ugly.

We got out of that mall as fast as humanly possible. On the way home I was trying to talk to kristiana's little sister kat, who I had hooked up with the night before. She refused to say a word to me. I assumed she was pissed about the way I had treated that girl, Wrong. She was pissed I didn't just tell J off and tell her I was There with her. What the fuck. you just can't win with women. You're an asshole, and chicks think they're on springer in the middle of a mall. You're nice, and they just blow you off. I don't get it. I was actually kinda excited about Kat. I knew she lived in D.C. and that I was moving there in a month or so. She was really cool. Her being a bitch about it all kinda turned me on. She was pissed I didn't just tell another girl to fuck off for her. I liked this. It didn't work out, obviously, at least I got to hook up with her at a wedding a year or so later.

I guess I should have been more careful about who I put my penis inside

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