Thursday, May 24, 2007

a idea of what to expect

Right now I'm just sitting at work bored out of my mind. So naturally I decided it was a good idea to randomly start a blog. I guess that is kinda what a do though, whatever randomly pops into my head. I'm not a great writer. I work in a medical lab and went to school for that, not literature or English or anything of the such. I'm not a word smith but I have some pretty funny stories. I'm a small town kid that has seen more than I ever thought was possible I grew up in a small town in the Midwest but I've been all over the place mostly through the army, although I am out now. I just had a little boy and he probably saved me from alcoholism. I'll have a mixture of funny or weird medical stories from time spent in a few different hospitals, some army bachelor stories, alot of drunk stories, some bartending/waiting stories. and even a few stories from when I had more money than I could ever spend. you'd be amazed at how easily you can get into trouble with money. I'll give you a mini story that happened tonight that I thought was pretty funny.

So this guy comes into the lab right as we're finishing all the outpatient stuff we do. He's a recovering addict that has to do weekly urine tests to stay out of rehab. As it turns out he would have been better off just going home rather insisting that he get his piss test done today. One of our other techs get's the privledge of escorting him to the men's room and describing how to clean his penis and piss in a cup, she's an asian chick that doesn't speak english as well as I'd like her to so I can imagine this is a little akward for everyone involved. The kid is wearing baggy shorts and she's suspicious of something in his pocket so she calls me over to pat him down... is she kidding? I don't care enough to pat this kid down I do see an odd bulge in his pocket that I cautiously grab hoping and praying to god that it's not an erection, seeing as he did come with what I presumed to be his girlfriend. She was definitely doable... not a girl you'd spend a lot of time energy or money on trying to bed but very doable. anyway it turns out it's just his wallet...thank God. I'm pretty sure he's using it as a decoy but at this point I just don't care that much and I figure if he's willing to go through this much trouble to change his piss test then fuck it... let him be. For god sake's he looks like he's walking with a corn cob up his ass he's either trying to keep something squeezed between his legs or god forbid up his ass. Like I said... this much effort deserves a little credit. He emerges from the bathroom with a half full cup of room temp liquid that is probably someone else's piss. Just a point of reference... piss comes out of your body pretty warm. My thought is his girl prob pissed in a cup for him and he stuck some container up his ass... now that's wha t I call love. Everyone involved is pretty sure it's not his piss but we run it anyway. guess what... it comes up positive for thc and opiates. What a dumb fuck! Here's rule one of getting over on a piss test... make sure that whomever gives you your "clean" piss isn't a bigger drug addict than you. Some people say I'm a little narcissistic and a little too full of myself, but ya know what this is another story that gives proof to my theory that they're are only two types of people in the world

A. dumbasses


B. Me

please someone prove me wrong.

hope you enjoyed

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