Wednesday, May 30, 2007

How to get a free dessert

This is another good ole army story, frankly, I think I just had too much time on my hands. My friend tamara and I were driving around the quiet streets of el paso with nothing to do. So naturally, our minds started to wander. When out of the blue the best idea in the history of the world came to us, kind of at the same time, okay, well maybe not the best idea ever, but a very good one.

Me: "Let's go eat."
tam: "okay, where?"
Me: "The next place we see."
Tam: "I'm bored, let's do something stupid."
Me: "okay, Wanna pretend we're getting married?"
Tam: "What? hey maybe we'll get some free shit"

The next place we see is a Tgi friday's. We slip the ring off of her finger and into a ring box I happened to have in the truck, yeah I know it's just a little too convienent. We walk in the restaurant and as we're being escorted to our seats I take the waiter aside and tell him my plans to propose to my girlfriend and how I'm going to need to get hammered to do this. He shoots me a "Are you fucking serious" look and asks me why tgi friday's I explain to him that it's the first place we ever went out to. In true white trash fashion I remind him that I'm really nervous and am going to need to get really tanked and to keep the coors light flowing. We sit down and order our drinks and meals. By the time our meals get there I've already downed 6 beers. As I devour my meal I keep thinking of exactly how to propose, finally I decide I'll pull the waiter aside and ask him to bring it out with dessert. By the time dessert rolls around I'm three sheets to the wind. What happens next I can only explain as pure genius. Our waiter drops off dessert and the ring, Tamara looks at it a little confused, I get down on one knee and go into this long drawn out drunken proposal. I'm pretty sure it last's a good fifteen minutes, by now I've drawn the attention of most of the staff and customers. When I'm finally done with the proposal her reply was a simple "no"... WTF... What am I suppossed to do now. My first reaction was to get up flip her off while yelling "fuck you!" It was one of my finer moments. As I'm leaving, sobbing fake tears, the hostess in her perkiest little voice says "Have a great night sir"... My reply to this was "what the fuck is wrong with you do you really think I'll have a good night, the woman I love, the woman who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with just said she wouldn't marry me, do you really think I'll have a good night?!" The look on her face was priceless, a mixture of pity, shock, and horror. I leave and go out to my truck expecting tamara to pay the bill and come out in a couple of minutes. I kid you not, she was in there for another hour and a half, The hostess took it upon themselves to give her a little counseling session, while she had a few more drinks. When she finally came back out she told me that our entire meal drinks and all had been comped. I felt a little bad untill I realized it's just some stupid corporate chain, Fuck 'em they can give away a meal or two. I did go back into that same tgi friday's about a week later with another girl, I even had the same waiter. He ended up being pretty cool and we had a laugh about it all... and yes I did tip him insanely well for having to put up with all that shit.

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